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SWOON: The Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them ~Betsy Prioleau

After I heard Betsy Prioleau author or SWOON interviewed on our public radio station I could hardly wait to read this book.  I took notes on the 5 minute interview on the NPR’s Dinner Party program of what she said:

  • Lady’s men produce more questions than answers; are very misunderstood and really have not been studied before.
  • We think of them as having a sexual power which is frightening, whereas more often than not they are fellows who know what women want and they love the company of women.
  • We think they are incredibly handsome and buff and usually they are not.
  • They have a romantic passion which gives them a sexual voltage and chemistry which may be something they are born with or learned most often from their mothers and sisters.  They like the company of women.
  • They are great conversationalists, often witty and eloquent
  • They like change and to learn new things
  • They quite often enjoy dancing very much because they want to support and please women

SWOON was down in my stack of books that TLC online book tours had sent me and it was not drawing my attention until I heard the interview.   I began reading a section of it every day between the downloads on my KINDLE and the other hardbound books arriving at my door for spring posts.

One of my book groups likes to read romantic fiction, I was concerned that this would be more of the same, and was relieved to find that the fictional works lavishly placed into this study were high quality reads which emphasized the real traits of a lady’s man over time.

The Seducers of SWOON are historic figures and famous figures, but they are not usually the handsome, buff, rakish fellows as portrayed in the bodice rippers of dime store fame.  I learned that there are even schools, and books, out and about to help a man become one of these brutish, fevered fellows – and according to the author who is married to a Lady’s Man and interviewed dozens and studied even more for the book – these trainings will not work and will not increase one’s connectability.  Prioleau even goes on to insist that the “sexiest”, “handsomest” men of the year as portrayed in the magazines are not very often Lady’s Men at all.  They are acting out the formula, whereas Ashton Kutcher just might be the contemporary real deal in the public eye – most are not acting or following a formula, rather they are just people who love to be with women and enjoy women’s conversations.

Warning:  parts of SWOON personally made me rather dissatisfied with my guy!  I knew he was a non-talker when we got married so that was not the issue.  It is more that he is never interested in what I am doing or saying unless I kick him in the shins.  He cannot pick a gift that I might like and he is not interested in figuring out how to change that.   He did get me the professional stove that I wanted and the solar panels I insisted upon and our energy efficient home is a work of art.  He is an incredible architect and a great father to 3 daughters and that makes him a kind of a lady’s man in his own right!

We are not a society that produces many new Lady’s Men any more.  The social media sites discourage long conversations, simple walks, and lazy suppers over wine.   We are into instant, short and sweet, and bling – collecting bling and extravagant events as though we are putting notches on the belt.  The Casanovas’, Don Juans, Duke Ellingtons, Dr. Carl Jungs , Franz Liszts, David Nivens, Jack Londons, Warren Beattys, and Ashton Krutcher’s are about depth and meaning and wholeness  not the trophy number of one night stands.

I think you will find a remarkable and noteworthy read in SWOON.

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I did receive a copy of the book from TLC book tours and NORTON press and they are offering up a free copy of the book for a great comment.

If you order anything from Amazon or Powell’s ( only 2 left in stock at the time of writing)   from this site I will receive a few beans in my bucket.  Thank you.  Donations welcome.

Related Reading:
The Brevity of Roses 
Under the Wild Ginger

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10 Responses to “SWOON: The Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them ~Betsy Prioleau”

  1. Talon Says:

    I married a quiet sort of guy, too, Patricia, but we balance each other out nicely and after 33 years we know each other so well that it’s impossible to imagine being with anyone else.

    Sounds like an interesting read. I wonder if certain types of women are more susceptible to those type of sweet talkers than others? The few “ladies men” I’ve encountered have always rubbed me the wrong way – lol!
    Talon recently posted..Who are you?My Profile

  2. Patricia Says:

    I refused to go out on a third date with my partner because he would not talk, so he went home and made a list and wrote out everything he wanted to say – his list started with zero population growth! Then he called invited me over for tea and read me what he wrote on 10 subjects. It was the winning gesture.

    It is an interesting read and I too was put off by what I thought were lady’s men – but I think those are the formula guys or sex addicts ( I have one of those on my family tree) and they really put me off too.

    I have a young professional poet in the neighborhood who is quiet and funny and so smart and every time I see him I just feel like the most important person in the world and I have his full attention ( his 3 year old and daughter feel that way too) I believe he is a true lady’s man. I also do not see him needing to change partners periodically or having sexual adventures?

    I think I like knowing I am the one!

    I think you are right though I do find some to be too high energy. Psychologists also say that more women are bisexual than men, just because they can not get this kind of attention from men and that is why best friends are extremely important to women and why these particular men usually have female best friends.

    Talon Reply:

    A definite keeper going to all the trouble of writing down everything he wanted (and couldn’t say), Patricia! :)

    So many men do seem to keep their thoughts to themselves…and then I started to figure out that some of them really didn’t have many thoughts going on at all…sorry if that sounds mean. :)
    Talon recently posted..InstrumentalMy Profile

    patricia Reply:

    Yes the keeper is busy putting fresh paint up on the walls of the room we call the office. We got a journal for discussions and arguments and that seemed to work well. And maybe taking a week to responders sired the emotions well.

    Yes a number of fellows along the way did not have anything to say. I don’t think that is mean spirited to say. I think interesting conversation and discussion is what women want. Then add humor, well that is what we are looking for!

    Loved your writing today. Symphonic dinner of music and math

  3. Alien Ghost Says:

    Hi Patricia,

    Interesting! I always thought that a lady’s man is a characteristic that a man has to be born with, and that allows him to “get women” but keeping them is not in his interests: His function is the “hunt”, and he will do whatever the woman wants to receive in order to get her. Then jump to the next hunt.

    I believe the media creates false expectatives in people about what a partner should be or do, so more and more often people become unsatisfied with love relationships.

    My personal opinion of course.

    Alien Ghost recently posted..Human InterconnectionMy Profile

    Patricia Reply:

    Hi Raul,
    Yes I too thought the Lady’s Man or seducer was similar to a sex addict who just wants to add notches on their list of conquests and then move on to the next. People who are sexually abusive to children do this set up so they will be pleasured so they will not tell. Most of the fellows in this gender study have long term relationships many 15 -17 years and still a huge number of women are attracted to them. Dr. Jung was married and had a large number of children to one woman, but there was not the restrictions on counselors in the beginning, he just thought it was part of his therapeutic approach as this Freud ( who was not such a Lady’s man) Frank Lloyd Wright was a serial Ladies man and built amazing homes for a number of the women he loved and he felt they provided him with much of his creativity – he was married to his wife for a very long time.
    It is a gender study text so there is lots of information about homosexuality and bisexuality too. It changed some of my thinking
    I do think the media plays up the bling part of relationships and not the reality and thus we have all these formula classes to try and teach men who just want sex how to get women. As we begin to understand more of how we are a community, I think we will see more meaning enter the life flow and then the Lady’s men and the Sex Addicts will just show themselves for who they are within the gender spectrum.

  4. Laurie Buchanan Says:

    Today, St. Patrick’s Day, my husband (Len) and I celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary. My absolute favorite thing about my husband is that he makes me laugh. And when he laughs, it’s contagious!

    Patricia Reply:

    Happy Anniversary! and yes laughter is one of the top 7 traits that women like the best….Contagious laughter…now that is reward in itself!

  5. Heather J. @ TLC Says:

    Just reading your review makes me want to swoon! I know I’m going to love this book. :)

    Thanks for being a part of the tour!

    patricia Reply:

    The book is a fun read and very interesting Gender study
    I think you will enjoy it. Thanks for coming by. Just putting up my review for Monday !