E-Book Review: Narcissist: A User’s Guide
I can see a small compact bird’s nest in the tree just beyond my window, because the leaves have not yet returned for another year. This nest has withstood a windy winter and its construction has remained unscathed for the weathering. I am not expert enough to know what kind of bird built so well, but think I could Google search for birds about the size of a robin and investigate who might just call this home. It is revealed and it has captured my attention.
I feel very much about this ebook as I do about the sturdy nest. The authors have revealed to me a human behavior which is not healthy and which can truly diminish the lives of others. It is a sturdy, compact and well built introduction. It creates awareness and hopefully the drive to investigate further if one believes one is coping with a narcissist in one’s own life.
The authors Lori Hoeck of Think Like a Black Belt and Betsy Wuebker of Passing Thru have discovered that they both had to remove themselves from being in the hold of a Narcissist. It is from this common thread they shared their stories and their knowledge of how to handle the situations and regain a strong sense of their own worth and self. They have collected stories from others and climbed the tree to take some good measurements of the nest which remains.
The format of the book was very easy to read and moved one through the phases of definition and discovery into story, research and identifiers. I especially liked the small quotes/vignettes down the sidebar. The cover and the art throughout enhanced the reading experience and in no way hindered the flow of information sharing. The writing was clean and straightforward.
As the authors pointed out we all have narcissistic tendencies which are defensive postures when we are young – they protect us and actually help us to move forward in our social/psychological development as individuals. Methamphetamine addicts also display a narcissistic behavior pattern when put on the defensive. Many people retreat into these defensive postures when under stress.
The Narcissist has developed a “false” sense of self and been arrested in their development usually because of a traumatic experience in the individuation process. Children may also be modeling behavior that they have been exposed to and feel comfortable with; unable to move forward.
The Narcissist reveals our own weaknesses and vulnerabilities and thus usually makes us feel distressed, judged and uncomfortable. Lots of blaming energy.
I particularly liked the questions posed to test, at a quiet moment , if one might be dealing with Narcissist:
Q: Where do you expect to be in 5 years?
Q: Biggest or toughest challenge in your life right now?
Q: Funniest story about you or others from your past?
Q: What is your favorite joke?
Q: Whom do you trust the most and why?
Q: What were the last two gifts you gave someone else?
This simple group of questions is followed by how a person might answer and how a narcissist would focus the answers. It would be hoped that the analysis of these answers would be cause for further investigation and follow through.
“This book increases the awareness of narcissism and in my opinion that is the first step in dealing with it.” Davina’s words about this book on her review at Shades of Crimson.
Whenever people do not develop a strong self of self and individuation based on values, strengths and recognizing weaknesses I believe there is bound to be trouble. Betsy and Lori have included information about how to recognize the enabling factors and how “neediness” can contribute to the psychosis progression.
I give hearty thumbs up to two great writers for introducing us to this behavior and sharing their own personal stories. I hope this assists others in gaining insight and allows release from tough and degrading situations; I challenge the reader to learn more.
Whenever someone shares important life lessons with us they are giving us insight and hope; hope that others may learn the lessons and be spared the hurt and harm. It is a brave and loving gift.
This is a sturdy nest from which one can spread their wings and take flight, if you are indeed the right fit.
Have you experienced a Narcissist? How do you identify problems and what intrigues you to further study? Do you have some tried and true “red flags” that work for you?