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Dawn and Release

This is morning, the morning of departure and at nearly 5 a.m. there is a hurry up feeling as the bags and cases are placed into the car and teeth are brushed and sleepy bodies give away hugs and depart.

They have been here as a pause in their lives to sleep and be taken care of on home turf and in safety; it is still just a pause and no longer.

I do not venture back to the warm bed; rather I am drawn to the rocking chair and see the pink glow beginning in the East. I sink down in and face the rise to behold that which is ahead and not going away. There is not a cloud in the sky and the almost full moon is behind me lighting the street and the passage. There is a soft silence in this moment of expectation and it instills within me peace; the breath is easy on my soul.

The pink expands to a yellow and the vast mountain is now outlined and dynamic in view as are the range that surrounds it – jagged bumps across the horizon.

The city lights are still reflected into the lake’s stillness and only near the fish ladder is the water moving out to sea.  The row of lights and blinking traffic signal are in perfect mirror.

The Mystics all say that one must see the dawn at least once a year to be in awe.  So here I am breathing and sitting in the soft silence open to the possibilities.

I am no longer the ringmaster, I am the pause and nurturance, which is not a spectator’s sport – only much quieter.  As a passing thought, they now praise my efforts and encourage me, they do not wish to acknowledge my discouraged ideas; though whoever is present interprets me to the others, sharing their perceived responses.

5:21 a.m. and the birds are awake and in full song, the daylight is fully restored and street lamps turn off one by one as the morning touches.  I turn the chair back into position and stretch, with lazy stride returning to my pillow and needed rest.

I awake again to the beep of the text message – I AM ARRIVED! – and into my life.  I smile and know that I am arrived into my life also.

Have you even gotten up to enjoy the dawn?  How do you let go of your children?  How do you ease into your own life and living when they are gone?

dawn

15 Responses to “Dawn and Release”

  1. Jannie Funster Says:

    I can’t recall the last dawn I’ve witnessed, other than the dawning of the age of Aquarius, but I’m up early and shall take the dogs to witness the Eastern glow.

    Stroll the dewy lane with coffee in hand.

    Easing into my own life and living while The Child away is quite easy and enjoyable. I go wonderful places in my mind.

  2. Dot Says:

    What a beautiful photo! And your prose has been outstanding lately!

    I’ve seen the dawn numerous times while waiting for the bus in the winter. One of the benefits of not being able to drive. I’m still struggling with getting along on my own. Although I had no children to leave the nest, my two dogs were such company, and as you know, life without them has been a big adjustment.

    Dots last blog post..April Showers and May Flowers

  3. Betsy Wuebker Says:

    This was absolutely lovely, Patricia. As Dot says, you’re on a literary roll! Letting go of our children was as distinct for each as each is distinct. Some with gladness, others with shock and disbelief. With time and varying distance, we’ve come to appreciate them all in new ways. And once I stopped needing them, as they seemed to have stopped needing me temporarily, they flock ’round again. No way do they get to live here again, though. 😉

    Betsy Wuebkers last blog post..IDEALS, ICONS AND INDEPENDENT THINKING

  4. Patricia Says:

    Jannie,
    Mind travel is oh so good :)

    Dot,
    Ah the dawning at the bus stop am familiar with that scenic view also …and a couple of times in an airplane. Dogs departing is very traumatic and I know it will take time. I have a book I want to send you after I review it here on the blog. I miss my dogs on the morning walks.

    Betsy,
    We are holding firm that #3 must find her own way now, she does not want to live here she just wishes for the Dad Bank to remain open! “Letting go of our children was as distinct for each as each is distinct. ” great quote – thank you.

    There is so much more letting go than accumulating or hanging on in life.

    Thank you Dot and Betsy for your kind words about my writing, I believe I write better in the spring, let go with more ease, and this new healing guide I am working with is truly making me feel more alive and definitely pain free – all helps the release.

  5. Vered - MomGrind Says:

    Beautiful.

    They are 7 and 9. I dread letting go, but I know I will have to.

    Vered – MomGrinds last blog post..Make Everything Taste Like Bacon!

  6. Patricia Says:

    Vered,
    Thank you and fortunately is usually comes in small steps.
    The Hindu faith says that usually the “last child calls it’s own name” or teaches you how to let go – true in my family for several generations!

  7. Barbara Swafford Says:

    Hi Patricia,

    No, it’s not easy letting our kids go, but we also know, they will be back. Sometimes to live, sometimes to visit. They never forget where “home” is and just as we enjoy having them back, they enjoy the experience too.

    Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Just The Facts

  8. Mark Says:

    Thank-you for sharing this beautiful moment! I love the dawning of the day. I must make time to witness the dawn soon.
    Children leave the nest to build their own armed with our wisdom to help hone their own. We as parents find solace in knowing that this is their time to fly, to grow, to learn the deeper lessons that only come with being on their own.
    It is our time to sweep the nest and to shift into a new phase of our life, to grow in awareness of our purpose and our love. This is a time to spread out and dig deep, this is also our time to grow in this new and exciting time as we shift into the evening of life.

    Marks last blog post..Leaning Allowed

  9. Patricia Says:

    Barbara,
    I had a lovely visit with my children this past week, and was so excited for them for their new adventures, but the image of the new dawn left me energized to work on my own ventures ahead and that was exciting for me.

    Mark,
    Oh do enjoy the dawning of the day – so energizing and refreshing.
    I am working on preparing myself for the peak of creativity around age 65 for women….I think it was made easier by the departure of my children – they were off to their lives and I could claim mine.

    Thank you both for sharing comments on my spot!

  10. Cricket-Tammy Says:

    I am just coming over to your blog to get caught up. Now I am officially crying. My post today touches on this. Oh great minds think alike.

    I dread these days so much. I am dreading them now and mine are still home with me.

    I get up each morning at 4:30 AM just to take a long walk and start the morning off alone. I have always been a morning person. I do all of my thinking, crying, and talking to the sky at that time. Nobody around. Just myself and the world around me.

    This is truly a lovely post Patricia.

    Thank you so much for your kind comments on my blog. I will be responding tonight. Right now…I am heading back outside to catch the sunset. It is so good to see you happy in spirit.

    Hugs,

    Tammy

    Cricket-Tammys last blog post..

  11. Patricia Says:

    Tammy,
    Thank you for the lovely comment about my words because your writing is so lovely – I am beaming.

    I used to get up at 4:30 to do my thing in the morning…now it is more like 7am – It has been raining like November and cold here and the Lake walk is closed for 3 weeks while they put in new lighting…nothing replaces the joy of those morning times and that route.

    I have felt sad when they all leave after vacation time, this time I felt like they were going on to their own good lives and living…there was a sense of freedom for me and that felt quite joyous. It gets better – really it does – it just changes.

  12. J.D. Meier Says:

    I like the way you captured and shared your experience.

    I always like the quiet part of the day.

    J.D. Meiers last blog post..Author a Distinctive Story

  13. Patricia Says:

    J.D.
    Me too – the quiet part of the day and thank you for your kind words.

  14. Sara Says:

    Patricia,

    As a mother of two grown daughters, I can say you captured the return and leaving of a child so perfectly in this post. I’ve experienced these emotions many times…just never at dawn:~)

    Saras last blog post..In Switzerland

  15. Patricia Says:

    Sara,
    Thank you for you nice words…two daughters left at dawn/1 I am travelling to Scotland with in July-August..

    How will dawn look in Switzerland?