Dawn and Release
This is morning, the morning of departure and at nearly 5 a.m. there is a hurry up feeling as the bags and cases are placed into the car and teeth are brushed and sleepy bodies give away hugs and depart.
They have been here as a pause in their lives to sleep and be taken care of on home turf and in safety; it is still just a pause and no longer.
I do not venture back to the warm bed; rather I am drawn to the rocking chair and see the pink glow beginning in the East. I sink down in and face the rise to behold that which is ahead and not going away. There is not a cloud in the sky and the almost full moon is behind me lighting the street and the passage. There is a soft silence in this moment of expectation and it instills within me peace; the breath is easy on my soul.
The pink expands to a yellow and the vast mountain is now outlined and dynamic in view as are the range that surrounds it – jagged bumps across the horizon.
The city lights are still reflected into the lake’s stillness and only near the fish ladder is the water moving out to sea. The row of lights and blinking traffic signal are in perfect mirror.
The Mystics all say that one must see the dawn at least once a year to be in awe. So here I am breathing and sitting in the soft silence open to the possibilities.
I am no longer the ringmaster, I am the pause and nurturance, which is not a spectator’s sport – only much quieter. As a passing thought, they now praise my efforts and encourage me, they do not wish to acknowledge my discouraged ideas; though whoever is present interprets me to the others, sharing their perceived responses.
5:21 a.m. and the birds are awake and in full song, the daylight is fully restored and street lamps turn off one by one as the morning touches. I turn the chair back into position and stretch, with lazy stride returning to my pillow and needed rest.
I awake again to the beep of the text message – I AM ARRIVED! – and into my life. I smile and know that I am arrived into my life also.
Have you even gotten up to enjoy the dawn? How do you let go of your children? How do you ease into your own life and living when they are gone?