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A Romantic Day by Myself

The snow was supposed to change to rain about noon and just disappear in the course of the day.  Instead the snow started early and has become quite heavy.  It is so heavy a layer that I cannot see across the lake to the downtown building or Capital Campus.

My youngest child shares a birthday with Abe Lincoln, the 12th of February.  She missed school 6 times in her 13 years of attendance because of heavy snow on her birthday.  So it is not too unusual.

My friend Jean just called to tell me the collected prayers from Sunday night to add to my heart on the wall.  It is a lovely collection of sharing and hope this week.  Jean was remembering her childhood when it snowed today.  She shared this story.

When she was in school they never had days off for snow, everyone she knew walked and if the kids lived way out in the country and could not get into school, they just stayed put.  At noon, the students would put on their boots and find anything they could to sled down the hill beside the school house for about an hour.  When they returned to the classroom, the pot bellied stove would be ablaze of warmth, the mittens and boots surrounded and made the room smell like warm damp wool.   Reading was right after lunch break and often on snowy days the teacher would read a story aloud and it provided a bit of a rest for everyone and a rather sleepy, quiet feeling.  Jean said, no one read out loud to her at home and this was such a cozy treat and she always felt transported by the story; the warm quiet.  “All was right with the world.”

As much as I miss the joy and fun a snow day brought to the house when the kiddos were growing, and this time of the year it gave us an afternoon of working on their Valentines for school friends and baking something tasty to go with hot chocolate, I am enjoying the silence of the snow today.

I have several times left my post and gone to sit and watch it just fall and dance around.  Big wet flakes are filling up the trees, the top of the hedge and all the spots in between. It is already too deep for me to go anywhere; I am so fortunate to have nowhere to go – no demand of my time.

I awoke this morning thinking about my death – embracing it and making a list of all the things I still need to take care of and share.

I want to make at least a $1,000 a month for more than a year; I have a class lined up to take on making money for Lenten practice.  I would like to write a post which gets over 100 comments.  I need to make sure my honey knows how to pay the bills, on line, and what my plan has been for our investments.  I need to know that one of my children can find and maintain a “best friend” relationship enough to last a lifetime and nearby – not another continent away.  I need to know that one child will reach her academic goal and her writing goal – and also share her life with a baby, and that one child will be safe from “preying on people” and will understand money and be able to use it.   Still is a very tall order on my draft list.

Then I get to the sad issues and I push away from dealing with them or acknowledging them – no time today.

On to the tough issues, when do I stop going to the doctors?  If I don’t want to bankrupt my family, when will I know when to just work on myself and not ask for help?   The first bill from the radiologists just came in $7,000.00 when I thought I was having a heart attack – only to discover it is a pulled muscle or tear.    $351.00 for the shot for pain relief, when will I know not to go, when will I know not to keep trying and trying and preventing and preventing?   It was not this time.

I wanted to write a funny post today.  I think I would rather go get my blanket, book and curl up in my chair.  I want to put the peace, beauty, and solitude of this day into my memory bank.

When do you know when you have received your answer?
I started reading books about Abe Lincoln when I was seven?  What do you think about Abe?
What is your fondest memory of snow?

16 Responses to “A Romantic Day by Myself”

  1. Dot Says:

    Unfortunately, your thoughts about your health have overwhelmed the romance of the snow in this post. I remember a day when the snow was about three feet deep and we couldn’t open our front door. We got outside through a window. I remember building a snow fort with shelves of snowballs and then throwing them all with little friends. When I went home, my hands hurt really bad as they warmed up.

    About the health issues, those prices are hard to believe! Are you unable to get health insurance? I guess you must be or you wouldn’t be paying them.

    When do I know when I have the answer? With something like this, usually someone has to tell me, because I’m too involved in the situation to have any perspective on it.

    Dots last blog post..A Good Post Soon

  2. Patricia Says:

    Dot,
    The romance of the snow day gave me time to just be still and time to think. I am mostly pleased that my to do list is so short and manageable – that is a joy and I take pleasure in all my efforts.

    I only have health insurance if I have something and then limited…all the last test showed was that I was very healthy, so I have to pay for everything. Which brings up the question – how does one know about the big things? I did have to call my neighbor and the on call nurse to decide whether to go into the Doctor’s or not….

    It was just so lovely to have a quiet afternoon to mull and think and that was a true gift to me!
    Thank you for your good and clarifying comments…
    I do remember how cold one’s hands can feel…and how fun a snowball is to throw…

    Patricias last blog post..A Romantic Day by Myself

  3. Patricia Says:

    Julie and Davina have a wonderful post about time to think and clean out thoughts and make room for new ones…

    I think this post of mine is in a similar vein of thought FYI

    http://www.shadesofcrimson.com/2009/02/10/guest-post-groceries-refrigerators-and-higher-selves/#comments

    Patricias last blog post..A Romantic Day by Myself

  4. Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker Says:

    Living in central Arkansas, we get more ice than snow so when we do get snow, businesses, schools and churches close because nobody knows how to drive in the snow and ice. Growing up in northern Louisiana, we got even less snow than Arkansas.

    I do remember my first snow. I was about 3 or 4 years old. I was visiting my grandmother. We went out and played in the snow. It was so pretty and so white. She lived in the country so most of the snow was pure and untouched. We didn’t get enough to build a snowman but it was still gorgeous.

    Thanks for your generous comment about my blog on Blogging Without a Blog. I feel honored to share the spotlight with you.

    Patricia – Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworkers last blog post..Kindness—Why Is It Easier To Be Kind To Strangers?

  5. Patricia Says:

    Patricia – SJoLW,
    Sometimes snow is just magic, sometimes it is calming, sometimes it is the silence…it is both scary and beautiful – it gave me a lovely time of contemplation and satisfying ideas yesterday…

    You are welcome quite welcome for my comments and I do think it is quite an honor to share this moment on BWOB…Oh the joy of us Patricians bringing wisdom and light We are just fabulous women! indeed.

    Patricias last blog post..A Romantic Day by Myself

  6. Ruth Says:

    Health insurance and doctors bills are enough to make me despair. We’re dealing with some confusion now, which my husband has kindly agreed to work out. Perhaps I shouldn’t say “kindly agreed” since they’re bills for his tests, but I somehow feel responsible…perhaps because I try to take care of him emotionally when I can.

    My mom has had to face some similar end-of-life issues. Fortunately she has health insurance, but she’s had to figure out when she’s going to stop treatment and what to do until then. It’s awful really, but also good that you get a choice of sorts, that you have a chance to be intentional about a lot of it.

    May you be guided by your wisdom in acting on the needs you’ve identified. *hugs*

    Ruths last blog post..Those Six Magic Words

  7. Patricia Says:

    Ruth,
    Thank you for your kind words and reassurances. I think medical bills and despair are going to go hand in hand right now, and it is good if one can divide up the despair….Health is full of hard twists and turns right now.
    I think though working on what I still have on my list to do and looking forward to my years of peak creativity with some resolutions and decisions made will give me greater freedom in the end game and outcomes. It reduces fear for me greatly.

    I loved all the caregiver and death and dying classes by Hospice as my mum said good bye to her earthly life….I think they are helpful to gather so much more of what is available and how to organize life and death decisions. I make a little suggestion..see if you have any of these resources available for you and your mother?

    So nice to have some time to be still and think – just about me and what I want…
    Thank you for your hugs and good thoughts

    Patricias last blog post..A Romantic Day by Myself

  8. Diane Says:

    Hi Patricia,

    One of my fondest childhood snow memories is building fortresses in tons of snow with my brothers and sisters and friends.
    We would spend days creating caverns which we were often told to never do because they could collapse on us. It was fun an exhilerating. Then we would play all kinds of different games in them. Then of course we would come in and drink hot cocoa by the fire.

  9. Diane Says:

    Sometimes when your heart just says that’s it and you get up and go with it…you feel energized from the answer and decision.

  10. VeRonda Says:

    Wow! The way you write is breath taking. Thanks for sharing. My fondest memory of snow is my mom making snow cream from the top layer of snow… I know, my husband thinks it’s the nastiest thing b/c snow is dirty. But, mom does it with such love that you forget about all the dirt from the atmosphere lumped up in the cup. LOL!

  11. Barbara Swafford Says:

    Hi Patricia – Like you, I enjoy watching the snow fall. We had a few flakes today and I stopped what I was doing so I could watch it.

    I’m smiling at your comment to Patricia – “Oh the joy of us Patricians bringing wisdom and light We are just fabulous women! indeed.’ Indeed, you are a wise, fabulous and beautiful woman. :)

    Barbara Swaffords last blog post..Patricia Times Two

  12. patricia Says:

    Diane,
    Oh I remember those snow fort and especially the hot chocolate – what a wonderful memory.
    Yes, I think you are right, one’s heart just gives you the message and the energy to just get up and go for it.

    VeRonda,
    Thank you so much for the kind words and welcome. Oh I am sure that snow cream is cleansed by mother love….surely it must be…my mum used to put it in a cup and put maple syrup on it..that was yummy too.

    Barbara,
    Maybe we should throw in awesome and be totally “it” ha ha
    Thank you for your highlight on your blog and your great comment..

  13. Jannie Funster Says:

    In Canada Abe Lincoln was rather glossed over in history classes, as I recall. But I do remember Abe Smolintsky in town who sold used furniture. A dresser we bought from him broke a couple days after it was delivered and Abe never would give us our money back — said we must’ve abused it. So we got into the whole litigation thing and Abe sent a henchman in the night to rough us up, but Grand-ma, sleeping on the ground floor near the pot-belly stove where all our mittens were drying, heard someone in the house and whacked him with her glass full of false teeth. The perp fled and we never could actually prove who had broken and entered but certainly had our suspicions. Abe went belly-up that summer and ended up selling ladies shoes at the new mall.

    $351 for a pain shot is just highway robbery. Unbievableable. (Sorry, I can’t spell unbelievable.)

    Ahh, to have a snow day here, or even a snow hour.

    Jannie Funsters last blog post..Armani Condom Heart — Inappropriate?

  14. Patricia Says:

    Jannie,
    My spelling has just deteriorated since I have to type on my lap because the pain will not let me lean forward…

    Hard to pay for all the treatment and to add insult to injury the Doc. just signed me up for diabetes classes – UH dude the test results show that I don’t have diabetes – that is why I am not taking meds for it…

    The $5,000 for all the x-rays will just cover my deductible for the year…..

    I could rant and rave….I thought it was better to enjoy the falling snow and clear my thinking…

    Liked you comment very much and it gave me a good chuckle…a pot bellied kind

    😉

  15. Jannie Funster Says:

    Are you feeling better today?

    I sure hope so.

    Jannie Funsters last blog post..Armani Condom Heart — Inappropriate?

  16. Patricia Says:

    The body is feeling much better right now – the massage was very releasing.

    I believe I have less fear in life and about death, because I have so many good conversations with it…I am frustrated as I wanted to write a poem and nothing is coming on that front…

    I loved the snow and reading all afternoon…what joy.

    Thank you Jannie, for your caring comments and connections – you are wonder full