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IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO: How I Rescued My Marriage With (Almost) No Help From My Spouse—and How You Can, Too ~ Winifred Reilly, MA, MFT

Friday, August 11th, 2017

IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO is a wonderful read and I had a hard time putting it down.  I have been to marriage therapy several times with my partner and it was always so disappointing because he would not make any changes and just found it an excuse to demand that I do all the work and announce he wasn’t going to cooperate.   This was just not acceptable and I did not enjoy being attacked verbally when we were paying for the session.

Then I took Nonviolent Communications workshops with Dr. Marshal Rosenberg and I found out that I could make lots of changes just through my own efforts and energies; processing my thinking and actions alone could change the dynamics with my partner and my children.   I started working on myself.  It was good work, it was not easy and it was so worth it.

IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO, moves this theory forward and makes the hard work of marriage something that one person can tackle and promote change and success.  This is not a workbook for those folks suffering with physical abuse, rather it is for those couples who are caught up in those circular arguments that never find resolution and make a marriage wearing and the partners wanting to call it quits.   This is even for those folks who may think their marriage is hopeless.

“Feel like you live on the verge of ripping your partner’s head off and shoving it down the neck hole? It Takes One to Tango is for you. Author Winifred Reilly not only explains why marriage is so predictably frustrating, but more important she reveals how you can turn the tide without your spouse’s help or even consent. Using her own marriage as a litmus test, Reilly offers a pragmatic alternative to subjecting an unwilling participant to years of pricey, unproductive marriage therapy or talking yourself blue in the face.” — Jenna McCarthy, author of If It Was Easy They’d Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon”

Marriage is very hard work and takes a great deal of energy.  Families need good communication skills and adults that are not fighting all the time.  IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO can break the tough routines and allow a marriage to become vibrant and flourish.   It is not about creating the perfect marriage.  It is about change and finding the love again. I cannot highly recommend this book enough; I am sharing it with my book groups.  It is such a pleasant read and very satisfying for the DIY enthusiasts.

I did like very much that Reilly uses her own marriage, which has survived 40+ years and her own work as part of the process she shares.  We don’t truly want perfect marriages – we want alive and healthy marriages!

TLC Booktours, sent me a copy of IT TAKES ONE TO TANGO for review – Fabulous read!    Thank you.

About Winifred Reilly

Winifred M. Reilly is a marriage and family therapist, with a private practice in Berkeley, CA.  She has been committed to helping couples and individuals build strong, loving relationships for more than 35 years. Winifred is the author of the relationship advice blog Speaking of Marriage, and her work has appeared in The Good Men Project, xoJane, and The Huffington Post.

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NEW

WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE? A Journey Toward Love and Wholeness ~Cheryl Rice

Monday, January 19th, 2015

“WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE? Is an engaging, nourishing must-read for any woman who wants to love and accept herself more fully.” (Marci Shimoff #1 New York Times best-selling author of LOVE FOR NO REASON and HAPPY FOR NO REASON – cover)

TLC Book Tours sent me a copy of WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE? for review.  The book is a memoir and a very gentle personal story about recovery and self-discovery.  As the opening quote says it is a book for anyone who wishes to accept himself or herself more fully and find that moment of self-love which sustains the whole person.  I heartily recommend this story.

WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE?  was a very good read for me in January of a new year.  I am sorting out my business and my life and thinking about where I want this new year to move me; what is my goal for this year and what will I work on for myself?  So reading a memoir about someone taking action is a good inspiration.  Cheryl Rice was catapulted into her journey by the loss of her mother after a short dance with cancer.  Rice was overwhelmed by the profound sorrow that surrounded her and by the fact she came to a stop in her own life efforts because of this sorrow.

After cleaning every closet and room in her life and making stacks of things for charity she did not know how to proceed further, move on, and she felt like she had lost her self in all the care giving to her new husband and his children, the intense workout of caring for her mother’s last days and her father’s profound depression.  Rice proceeded to therapy and found her therapist trustworthy, helpful, and her ‘love object rescue hero’ extraordinaire. She kept going and peeling away the masks and actions which restricted her best self from emerging and being present.   She was taking care of everyone except herself and it was a deep and old pattern.

I could identify with Rice’s position and the fatigue of not being able to move forward and not wanting to stay in the intense caregiver mode any longer.  I too had children to care for and a partner and the intensity of the loss reveled that I too had been trapped into a caregiver role for way too long and self recovery seemed distant and beyond the reach alone.    I believe this kind of storytelling enhances our own well-being and revels clearly the way to healing and rediscovery for the next endeavors and discoveries.   “Life is constantly changing”, but when we are captured in a cycle of intense care giving making change can seem beyond our reach.  Looking back to our early years, how did we get caught into these roles and how did they keep us from our best selves, from finding our own true lives and our truest love?

WHERE HAVE I BEEN ALL MY LIFE? is an excellent look at people pleasing, of separation anxiety, of social anxiety and how we get pulled into the ‘perfect life’ of exterior acceptance and often loose ourselves in the process.  I believe everyone could benefit from this story of Cheryl Rice’s experience and how she embraced change in her life.

Cheryl RiceAbout the Author

“Cheryl Rice is a professional speaker and coach. Her company, Your Voice Your Vision partners with women striving to be leaders in their own lives. When Cheryl decided to take the advice she so passionately offers her clients, she emerged with a memoir. Her essays have appeared in The Philadelphia Inquirer, Cactus Heart, and Cure Magazine. Cheryl has M.S. degrees in both Psychological Services and Organization Development, and lives with her family outside of Philadelphia. Find Cheryl online at www.YourVoiceYourVision.com. You can also find Cheryl on Facebook and Twitter.”

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Coincidence 
The Moon Sisters