Home Recommended Reading Workshops About RSS

Posts Tagged ‘change’

FREEDOM FROM GUILT AND BLAME ~Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

Monday, December 14th, 2015

Freedom from Guilt and Blame is a small book of only 46 pages, and it is a valuable tool to have on your shelf or reader.  Lots of gems are found in this self-help text and they are well explained and defined.

If I were still working as a counselor, I would have a number of copies of this book to share with clients and students.    Lancer, a lawyer turned Family Therapist has a way with words that is helpful and easy to understand.  Her definitions of guilt, blame, shame, anger and self-esteem are worth the price of ownership.  Then she takes her precise definitions and uses anecdotal evidence to show their outcome and manifestations.   One does not need to guess how guilt plays out in their own relationships and actions because of her precise explanations.

The definitions and examples are accompanied by exercises that allow the reader to fully participate in their own understanding and in changing behaviors that are not leading to healthy outcomes.   The exercises on self-forgiveness are most helpful in removing sticking points and letting go.

When I was working with teens, I would have shared copies of this book also.  I found it very valuable to give young people the facts and the coping skills to use those facts to their advantage as they grew.  Such as, most teens will experience depression as they learn deeper emotions.  They do not understand that everyone needs to learn to deal with depression and learn skills for changing those emotions and making them useful.  I would teach a session on depression with young people and then we would recognize and learn new mechanisms for behaviors and develop resilience.

Young people would learn and understand FREEDOM FROM GUILT AND BLAME; would find it useful to have on their shelf for future reference when they were caught in an emotional loop of behaviors.  When people of all ages know and understand they can make different choices.

A very helpful book to read, reference and keep handy.  Good ideas and exercises for starting a successful New Year and making changes in one’s life and behaviors.

From the book:

This is the second book I have reviewed from Darlene Lancer. “Darlene Lancer is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has helped individuals and couples improve their lives, their self-esteem, and relationships for over 27 years.  She maintains a private practice and coaches internationally.  She is an expert in the area of codependency, addiction, and relationships.  Ms. Lancer is a quoted authority and sought after speaker and lecturer at colleges, universities, and on radio.  One can read many of her articles at http://whatiscodependency.com or follow her work on Facebook at www.Facebook.com/CodependencyRecover .”

Related:
Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You
If You Leave Me Can I Come With You?

THE MAPMAKER’S CHILDREN: A Novel ~Sarah McCoy

Monday, May 11th, 2015

“Engaging and emotionally charged…Eden’s realization that ‘what fable and history could agree upon was that everyone was searching for their ever-after, what ever that may be’ neatly sums up the novel’s heart – it’s about the family and the life we create, not always the ones we imagine for ourselves.”  (Kirkus reviews)

THE MAPEMAKER’S CHILDREN is a wonderful, gentle read and I enjoyed it cover to cover.  I thought it very clever to use the life of an historic figure within her context, along side a contemporary character who has some of the same life questions to contend with and lives in the same locale as the historic focus.    Sarah Brown the daughter of abolitionist John Brown (Harper’s Ferry) is the historic character of the story.  She is tracked through the family history and a series of letters written to a prominent family, which sheltered the Brown’s during the trial and execution.  An eleven- year -old Sarah witnessed the death of nearly all of the males in her family during this time period and turned it into her strength and future.  With her ability to paint and draw she created Underground Rail Road maps on cloth and other media for those who could not read to be enabled in their journey northward and success – freedom.

Because of severe Dysentery as a child Sarah was not able to conceive a children and yet it is her children who are part of the title of the story.

Eden is our contemporary character and she and her husband have just moved into New Charleston, West Virginia into an historic home with an interesting doll’s head discovered in the root cellar of the old kitchen.  Eden is weaning off of fertility drugs and is in a hostile rather belligerent frame of mind.  She is the kind of uber selfish “ME” girl of the “me” generation and made me glad when her early chapters moved back to Sarah’s story which I found delightful and very interesting.    By the 4th chapter of Eden’s story, I skimmed until the thought crossed my mind that most of my readers would not be offended by her selfish banter and blaming rhetoric.   Maybe they would even think like my kiddo’s friends who were always telling each other  – “If you do that to me – I’m going to kill you”. People just say those things. I certainly find the blaming behavior everywhere.   I liked Eden at the end of the novel as she did learn some kindness once she started earning some money with her new work and her definition of family expanded.

I believe Sarah McCoy could win the most gracious, Southern Ladies Thank You Note Contest. The novel has that sweet sheen of honey drip known in the south as just good ol’ fashioned manners of speaking clearly and smoothing it all over.  It just felt perfect to curl up in the spring sunshine on my deck and explore this historic story.  I liked this gracious story and particularly learning more about Sarah Brown in our contemporary times of racial unrest.   I was happy the book contained several of her drawing and paintings and her own writing conveyed the story of the times personally.    What a lovely way to learn history and about one’s own values and views.
TLC Book Tours   sent me a hardcopy of this delightful book for review – The MAPMAKER’S CHILDREN.

“Rich, closely observed storytelling full of warmth and heart.”  Charles Frazier, National Book Award winning author of Cold Mountain.

About Sarah McCoy:

“SARAH McCOY is the  New York Times, USA Today, and international bestselling author of The Baker’s Daughter, a 2012 Goodreads Choice Award Best Historical Fiction nominee; the novella “The Branch of Hazel” in Grand Central; The Time It Snowed in Puerto Rico; and The Mapmaker’s Children (Crown, May 5, 2015).

Her work has been featured in Real Simple, The Millions, Your Health Monthly, Huffington Post and other publications. She has taught English writing at Old Dominion University and at the University of Texas at El Paso. She calls Virginia home but presently lives with her husband, an Army physician, and their dog, Gilly, in El Paso, Texas. Sarah enjoys connecting with her readers on Twitter at @SarahMMcCoy, on her Facebook Fan Page or via her website, www.sarahmccoy.com.” ( from TLC page)

Related:
The Robot Scientist’s Daughter 
Hannah Coulter
A Snug Life Somewhere
Songs of Willow Frost 

THE GODFORSAKEN DAUGHTER: A Northern Ireland Story ~Christina McKenna

Monday, April 13th, 2015

“You will never plough a field by turning it over in your mind.” Rose says… (Loc 92% in an unproofed, uncorrected e-copy.)

THE GODFORSAKEN DAUGHTER whisks the reader away to Northern Ireland during all the IRA troubles in 1980’s.  We touch base with the most wonderful characters the author can devise for us to enjoy in rural Ireland and we take a small journey with a few through their “de-press-shuns” as trouble merges with the light of day and some amazing resolutions.  We are also treated to a good love story and the pressures created by the small town gossip and the marginalized.  Although not so much in Tailorstown, the activities of the IRA are part of the troubles in Belfast and not so far away.

Ruby our lead is stuck in a toxic relationship with a controlling mother.  Her supportive, protective father has recently passed away and Ruby is trying to find her place in the family.  The twins who work in Belfast are fairly abusive also and fortunately are only home on weekends.  Ruby is a farmer at heart, but now must move into the house at age 33 and do women’s work.   Her sadness leads her to open her Grandmother Edna’s forbidden case in the attic and hope with the right words begins to manifest.

Dr. Henry Shevlin comes to work in the Mental Health Clinic as a psychiatrist.  He too has an ordeal to come to terms with and yet helps some of the members of his new community cope with their lives and never need to go to St. Ita’s the mental hospital.  He is a lovely listener and his patients very must appreciate his skill.  We are treated to a John Lennon want to be – Good advice and wisdom provide some amazing healing.

Rose and Paddy drive us to many of the locations in the story and provide the support systems to get several locals to their appointments and unravel confusions while working on match making for their favorite couple.

The characters are quite well developed and yet the story has so much more to offer.  How do we treat others and how does that play out within a community and how does it affect the individual?  How does the child, which is treated poorly or in a toxic relationship with a parent, find reprieve and understanding from her community and the freedom to find understanding into relief?  How do politics change us and play out within lives, even when it seems distant?

I received this uncorrected, unproofed e-copy from TLC BOOK Tours for review and enjoyed this read very much.  I recommend this story  “tae yous”.

About the Author:

“Christina McKenna grew up on a farm near the village of Draperstown in Northern Ireland.  She attended the Belfast College of Art where she obtained an honors degree in Fine Art and studied postgraduate English at the University of Ulster.  In 1986 she left Northern Ireland to teach abroad.  She has lived, worked, and painted pictures in Spain, Turkey, Italy, Ecuador, and Mexico.  THE GODFORSAKEN DAUGHTER is the third novel in the Tailorstown Series.”  -From the book.

Christina McKenna Wikipedia 

Related:
Coincidence
Letters From Skye
The Scent of Butterflies
US

DOG CRAZY: A Novel of Love Lost and Found ~Meg Donohue

Monday, March 23rd, 2015

“Packed with deep emotion and charming surprises, DOG CRAZY is a bighearted and entertaining story that skillfully captures the bonds of love, the pain of separation, and the power of our dogs to heal us.”  (Book cover)

DOG CRAZY came my way via TLC BOOK TOURS for review and it was a delightful addition to a very busy week.  The uncorrected proof came in paperback form and just tucked into my carry bag for a week of medical appointments (“Growing Old is Not for Sissies”~ Jack Benny) and my husband even dove into it when he was the designated driver and water bottle handler.

Maggie Brennan is making big changes in her life by leaving her mom and dad who live in Philadelphia and moving to a new apartment in San Francisco; starting a Pet Bereavement Therapy Practice on her own.  The apartment is within her former roommate’s home so not everything is new.  Maggie’s mother is agoraphobic and has not left her house without heavy medication for nearly 30 years.   Maggie also has her trusty dog Toby to help her make the transition.

Maggie sets out in San Francisco to make the connections to start her practice and finds an animal rescue group who refers her first clients and she is able to do lots of volunteering for them on their website.  Apparently, Toby was only meant to assist with the move and the actual living this new life with Maggie was not on the list and he becomes ill and dies.  This causes major problems for Maggie and threatens to ruin this new opportunity.

Along comes a very “INTERESTING” young woman who believes her dog has been stolen and does not want any therapy for her missing dog, just assistance in walking SF to find him.  With Anya in need and with “the assistance of a poodle, a mutt, and Basset retriever named Seymour” the funny, poignant story begins to unfold creating healing.

This story had a gentle voice in the telling, and I would have loved to take this story and my own pooch to the beach to savor.  It so reminded me of the Women’s Magazines full of short stories that my mother loved to read in the late afternoon with a cup of tea.  This tail/tale is about 255 pages long and I could pick it up and put it down with out losing the story line or any of the dog identities.  It was an easy to read study of how we humans handle loss and fear and that everything changes with one step at a time.  Very entertaining – DOG CRAZY.

MEG DONOHUE is the USA TODAY bestselling author of HOW TO EAT A CUPCAKE and ALL THE SUMMER GIRLS.  She has an MFA in creative writing from Columbia University and a BA in Comparative literature from Dartmouth College.  Born and raised in Philadelphia, she now lives in San Francisco with her husband, children, and dog.    (From Book cover)

Meg Donohue Facebook

Related:
Short Leash
Merle’s Door
The Language of Hoofbeats
WILD