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I can see a small compact bird’s nest in the tree just beyond my window, because the leaves have not yet returned for another year.   This nest has withstood a windy winter and its construction has remained unscathed for the weathering. I am not expert enough to know what kind of bird built so well, but think I could Google search for birds about the size of a robin and investigate who might just call this home.  It is revealed and it has captured my attention.

I feel very much about this ebook as I do about the sturdy nest.   The authors have revealed to me a human behavior which is not healthy and which can truly diminish the lives of others.  It is a sturdy, compact and well built introduction.  It creates awareness and hopefully the drive to investigate further if one believes one is coping with a narcissist in one’s own life.

The authors Lori Hoeck of Think Like a Black Belt and Betsy Wuebker  of Passing Thru have discovered that they both had to remove themselves from being in the hold of a Narcissist.  It is from this common thread they shared their stories and their knowledge of how to handle the situations and regain a strong sense of their own worth and self.  They have collected stories from others and climbed the tree to take some good measurements of the nest which remains.

The format of the book was very easy to read and moved one through the phases of definition and discovery into story, research and identifiers.  I especially liked the small quotes/vignettes down the sidebar.   The cover and the art throughout enhanced the reading experience and in no way hindered the flow of information sharing.   The writing was clean and straightforward.

As the authors pointed out we all have narcissistic tendencies which are defensive postures when we are young – they protect us and actually help us to move forward in our social/psychological development as individuals.   Methamphetamine addicts also display a narcissistic behavior pattern when put on the defensive.   Many people retreat into these defensive postures when under stress.

The Narcissist  has developed a “false”  sense of self and been arrested in their development usually because of a traumatic experience in the individuation process.  Children may also be modeling behavior that they have been exposed to and feel comfortable with; unable to move forward.

The Narcissist reveals our own weaknesses and vulnerabilities and thus usually makes us feel distressed, judged and uncomfortable.  Lots of blaming energy.

I particularly liked the questions posed to test, at a quiet moment , if one might be dealing with Narcissist:

Q: Where do you expect to be in 5 years?
Q: Biggest or toughest challenge in your life right now?
Q: Funniest story about you or others from your past?
Q: What is your favorite joke?
Q: Whom do you trust the most and why?
Q: What were the last two gifts you gave someone else?

This simple group of questions is followed by how a person might answer and how a narcissist would focus the answers.  It would be hoped that the analysis of these answers would be cause for further investigation and follow through.

“This book increases the awareness of narcissism and in my opinion that is the first step in dealing with it.”   Davina’s words about this book on her review at Shades of Crimson.

Whenever people do not develop a strong self of self and individuation based on values, strengths and recognizing weaknesses I believe there is bound to be trouble.   Betsy and Lori have included information about how to recognize the enabling factors and how “neediness” can contribute to the psychosis progression.

I give hearty thumbs up to two great writers for introducing us to this behavior and sharing their own personal stories.  I hope this assists others in gaining insight and allows release from tough and degrading situations; I challenge the reader to learn more.

Whenever someone shares important life lessons with us they are giving us insight and hope; hope that others may learn the lessons and be spared the hurt and harm.  It is a brave and loving gift.

This is a sturdy nest from which one can spread their wings and take flight, if you are indeed the right fit.

Have you experienced a Narcissist?   How do you identify problems and what intrigues you to further study?  Do you have some tried and true “red flags” that work for you?

Other Related Reading you might enjoy:
Female Brain Gone Insane
I Needs
Increase Your Emotional IQ

To celebrate my 300th post on Patricia’s Wisdom (www.patrciaswisdom.com) I am giving away this delightful lifestyle cook book by celebrity Alicia Silverstone.

I think this book will have great success because:
-    The author is a celebrity, young, and knows how to be in the public eye
-    The book is beautiful to look at and behold
-    The writing inside is perky and casual fun
-    Silverstone makes these lifestyle changes just seem like the next best thing to do
-    The blog that is part of the book’s process is well done and updated with style and content.

www.thekindlife.com

“This Simple Guide to Feeling Great, Losing Weight, and Saving the Planet,” is just that all wrapped up in a stunning package and with a high energy author who walks her talk and knows her “stuff”.

Silverstone likes desserts and supporting the local farmer’s market, restaurants, and animal shelters. She likes feeling great, looking good and researching these lifestyle issues which will assist people in being healthier and the planet healthier.
The Recipes are good and tasty.
Her vegan chocolate cupcakes look light and yummy, and her pizza could bring on drooling!
She does not advocate going cold turkey into this healthy lifestyle she explains how to FLIRT, How to VEGAN, and how to be a SUPERHERO.

The Kind Diet has done much of the research for the reader and the heavy weights are referenced such as Dr. Joel Furhman, Dr. Dean Ornish, and Michael Pollan’s work on Food, Inc.

Not to name drop, but there are lots of celebrity life stylers mentioned in this book too and what they have discovered from making these changes in their lives.

I do have a couple of problems with this book:
-    I believe throwing out one’s microwave oven is not such a good thing, because her research is old news and even as a tool for just reheating the MW cuts energy usage considerably.
-    Although Silverstone’s expenses for food decreased significantly with this regime, she does not follow even more cost cutting savings methods of food preservation techniques for those of us who have long non- gardening seasons.
-    The pictures of her kitchen indicate that she has not added use of electricity, water and natural gas into her earth friendly equations – and one might assume they have not really entered her mind.   And in most households I know the leftovers do not go to the dogs!

The really great news about this book is that I think it will not only be a NEW YORK TIMES best seller, but I think the message will reach the 20, 30 and 40 year olds and a number of them will get involved in a bigger effort than even before.  Getting the word out & about and getting folks to make these changes is really what is at stake and I think this beautiful entry will have great success.

I almost did not write this book review because Alicia Silverstone and Michael Pollan were on Oprah right before the Olympics; then changed my mind.

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So how do you win this book?    Write a great comment on this post ….And March 8, 2010 I will pick a winner – easy as that!
Looking forward to your comments….

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Other Posts you might enjoy reading:
Casy Dogs Gnocchi with Spicy Vodka Tomato Cream Sauce
Animal Vegetable Miracle
Agenda for a New Economy
Cleaning Up My Act
Flow for Love of Water (no reading here: you can watch this documentary for free)

I consider myself an artist in the actions of change.  I find it easy to change my mind or act because I have practiced my skills and acknowledged my values and emotions in each situation with finesse.  I have created several charts which outline the basic steps of decision making and change. Some steps I can glide through and other times I need to stop and take stock – reconnoiter the situation and not just dive blindly.

Sometimes I just need to start over and try something new – refresh my style.

One of the primary components of making change is talking with other people.  There are the familiar folks that you always talk over issues with, but I am talking about new voices.  Some people are experts in their field and one needs to know their expertise so the conversation or interview can be part of your research towards making the right choice or decision.

I encourage all high school age and college bound folks to go and visit the career planning advisers, they have a wealth of ways to assist in making choices and discovering new paths.  Some like to talk in their familiar ruts and some like to make the conversation an adventure.  What is your style?

Many people write in a journal to have conversations with themselves, they even go back and color code certain words to assist in getting a clarity and perspective.  They notice the repetitively used emotions and word descriptions; analyzing their value or hindrance.

If you want to get at the root cause of a problem that is constricting the change, one might hire a counselor to help dig out the road blocks, yield and stop signs being encountered.

Sometime one just needs to say the words right out loud and hear them – process the words through their auditory systems of analysis.

I recently was gifted with three sessions of a life coaching system practiced  by Davina of Shades of Crimson. Davina uses active listening and one’s own words to move the thinking and expressing in new directions.

She calls it a Symbolic Modeling and in her own words:

During a Symbolic Modeling session I will repeat your words back to you in the exact manner you speak them, followed by a question. Repeating your words back to you lets you know you’ve been heard. As you hear the words reflected back to you, the knob turns. You begin to adjust your channel.

I found it to be playful, fun and a mind giggling experience.  I have filled up a small spiral notebook with all the new images and words that come out of the session.

I have changed my mind.

I have a very clear image of what I will look like when I define myself as healthy now.  I can feel the being stung by a bee or the chugging of the steam engine up the mountainous track that made my words anchors against the tide and flow.

It’s all in the chemistry of the synapses and when one can turn the knob or dial back the volume, what fun is that?

Davina is offering this exercise in listening up for the first 10 folks who will pay for the phone call.  She has a bigger description and details on her site.

I would just like to say a Gigantic Thank you for the experience.  It changed me.   I came away from each phone call pleasantly surprised and more importantly SATISFIED – better than chocolate or a hot bath, and almost in the same league as a 90 minute massage.

It is a great process for rediscovery and truly hearing oneself think.   I recommend it highly.

Has someone listening to you made a change for you?  Do you think talking is a necessary step in the process of change?   Have you felt satisfied after being heard?  Do you think you might give this a try?

Please share your thoughts , I look forward to you comments

Related posts:
How We Make Decisions and Changes
Lessons
Question Career Planning Classes
90 Seconds of Anger 90 Seconds of Happiness

Almost every February in the Pacific Northwest we have a glorious week of crystal clear skies and sunshine.   5 days ago that week began. It has been stunningly beautiful, a bit warmer than normal and an inspiring reprieve from the rain and grey.

I have been doing a great deal of sleeping this winter.  My body is asking for this tool of healing and I am not resisting its call.

Because of the pain in my side, a return engagement from last year, and the strange behavior of my knee since November, I have been getting up in the mornings very gently and carefully and slowly going for an abbreviated walk.

5 days ago I awoke clear headed and ready to don the attire and head out for a mile or two.  I thought it was the call to arise with the bedroom full of bright sunshine and energy and that was enlivening my spirits and motivating.

This morning I awoke with the same enthusiasm for the sunshine, but I did not move from my spot for a full 90 minutes because I was aware that I was absolutely pain free.

Enough Vitamin D?

I am not so sure that these moments were just because of the sunshine?  I have also figured out a way to pay off a pesky, worrisome bill and I had a lovely out of house experience this week celebrating my daughter’s graduation and assisting her in picking out an interview suit.  Also on my list, having three great conversations where I got to talk about myself and do some visioning work.

All these are great and positive moments, but are not the point or direction of my writing – I wish to return to the waking refreshed and ready to go…because this is part of something more curious.

After taking my walk, I have returned home to write about my walking meditation in my personal journal.  Each morning after the walk, I have fallen asleep only to be awakened by the clear impression that our home phone is ringing – I move to get up and realize it was just a dream.

Who do you think is calling me?  What do they want to say?

Here is what my DREAMS, More than 400 Symbols Explained book says:
Telephone = making contact, connections or missed connections.  Contact with the unconscious. Ignoring the call of your unconscious.  It all depends on what happens with the phone.

One needs to answer the phone in order to figure it out.

My ringing phone just serves to Wake me up and get me out of the chair.

My first thought was what my Mother used to say to me, “Times a wasting and you need to get your lazy bones on with your day.”

I think I am missing the connection with someone or idea.  What do you think?

Who is calling?  What is it they wish to tell me? Who would be on your awakening, ringing phone?  What do they wish to tell you?

Hello?   Hello?  Hello?

Other related posts you might also enjoy:
Begin It Now
Inspiration from Walt Whitman
Your Money Or Your Life
Dear World, You Still Need Us. Love Your Librarians