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Celebrating the Moment of Wisdom

wisdomThis week I wrote the letter resigning my Ordination in the Ministry of the United Church of Christ. It was a closure for me of the past five and a half years of releasing the old definitions.  I am not walking around giddy or happy dancing; I am standing a bit taller and witnessing the baby steps of discovery.  My goal and intention since my 55th birthday has been to become the healthiest person I can become and to be prepared for turning 65 and the Peak of Creativity.  I am on task.

Releasing the bonds of the old definitions has been a life long journey.  I have not done it alone and have asked for help along the way, and yet have wallowed in my own shadows deeply and sometimes distressed others.   I have read and read and searched and questioned; at times I have driven myself to push for relief and answers.

Depression is anger against the self, it can bleed out in subtle ways.  Ruminating on anger without release is like grinding one’s teeth down to despair – chewing the cud called self.  I developed systems to spew it out, analyze and understand, and I repeated until I could truly forgive. Release.  Now I have even more emotional skills/tools to draw upon.

I knew the day that Nixon signed and abolished the draft and all the U Haul trailers began arriving on the campus of my Seminary so many of the interesting students would depart, that maybe I should be packing my things also, but I thought it was only a short sprint to the end and I was told to finish my work; I did.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me.”  Rather it is words that I celebrate.  Oh yes if the words sting, rip and tear at the soul, I cry and bleed like all others, then I let them reveal to me the fear and pain of the speaker.  I have obviously assaulted a boundary that they like the edge of and have marked it darker for definition.  Then I question, what does their fear or pain reflect back to me?  What can I learn about people from hearing these words?  How can I pull forth these ideas and change them to my use and knowledge?  I return to the self and diffuse the reflection.

It all takes time.

I never earned any money, retirement, insurance from my work as an ordained minister.  I did fund raise  tremendous amounts of money for projects in my community and for education.  I did work a number of jobs to give me enough quarters for some Social Security and Medicare (Maybe? – remember I was born with cancer and have always been a pre-existing condition)

What did I gain by being Ordained?  I was acknowledged for being smart enough to attend and graduate from a prestigious institution.  I survived! which was an amazing feat in itself.   I learned to trust myself.  I learned how to think, study and contemplate activating those skills into useful information and action.  In the awesome category, I am a skilled counselor and one of the best Adult Educators on the planet. I taught and understood Ethics and I became my own best friend.

I am sure that I will still get all the newsletters and announcements that I can possibly handle and I will still work on Justice, Peace and Women’s issues!  I will always have a community where I belong and which supports the issues that are vital to me.

I am enjoying reading as much as I want and what I choose to read. I am truly happy to be able to say NO to requests.  I no longer want to go to required meetings and pay for the privilege and the gas.   I am figuring out what I want to do in this third of my life to celebrate the peaks of creativity.  I have planted seeds and gotten some insights.   I am no longer that 10 year old girl striving to do something that everyone said could not be done or accomplished.  Been there done that, on to something new.

How about you?  What are your plans for change?  Made any big or dramatic changes this year?

If you purchase anything from Amazon or Powell’s from this site I will receive a few beans in my bucket. Thank you.  Donations welcome.

Related Reading:
Making Change an Often Overlooked Step
Wild Heart Painting Workshop- Gifts of Change
30 Days with My Father  – PTSD
Breakfast With Buddha

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16 Responses to “Celebrating the Moment of Wisdom”

  1. Mike Says:

    Plans for change? Just the same as we’ve been doing since I retired 6 years ago. Six more weeks and I’ll be slipping back into retirement. We’re not planning any big trips this time — just staying close to home, working on the house and property. Then, in 8 to 10 months, they’ll be calling me again, asking me to come back to teach another class of operators. I figure I’m good for at least 2 more.
    Mike recently posted..Moving.My Profile

    patricia Reply:

    Hello Mike,
    Transitions are truly something are they not; already on week one I am enjoying the limbo of this experience. I guess I do not get to retire from anything in my life – an introvert but not a retiring soul!

    I have a good friend who is slipping back into retirement in July for the 3rd time…it is nice to be honored and teach what you have learned.

    Holding on to my health is the big project here and not spending any money! Your projects sound foundational too.

    I so enjoy your pictures, travel and history…Thank you for sharing you story…I often drop by but am not writing on so many blogs any more – still reading everything.

  2. Terrill Welch Says:

    Patiricia you share your journey and your decision with such grace and conviction. May your creativity flow freely and in abundance. I have not made any big changes for a while now. At the moment, I seem t be right where I need to be and doing exactly what I need to be doing. All the best on your adventure! Terrrill :)

    patricia Reply:

    I disagree Terrill,
    All the changes you are testing and trying on in your painting – your are in the middle of big explorations also.

    Thank you for your words – they mean a great deal to me. I hope I will be able to say, I am exactly where I need to be and doing what I need to be doing soon, and then gratefully every day :)

    Terrill Welch Reply:

    You are right Patricia the painting exploration is always a place of change and sometimes more than others – like right now :)

    patricia Reply:

    Yes indeed and it is inspiring! to all of us

  3. suZen Says:

    Hi Patricia,
    I can certainly resonate with transitions! I have been DEEP into letting go and clearing the path I’m on to truly begin anew. At this age it may seem foolhardy, but to continue on as I have is like witnessing the death of my soul.
    suZen recently posted..Blame or Responsibility?My Profile

    patricia Reply:

    suZen –
    I resonate with your words…
    even right down to cleaning out file folders….I know I will figure out what to do next or it will just come to me…but that soul zapping is tough going.

    Being foolish…what a good idea

  4. Laurie Buchanan Says:

    ” I am figuring out what I want to do in this third of my life to celebrate the peaks of creativity.”

    Patricia – If you could see me, I’m standing up, bare-headed, and clapping because my hat is off to you and I’m giving you a standing ovation!

    patricia Reply:

    I accept Laurie, I can feel the energy…thank you

  5. Sara Says:

    This is a powerful manifesto, Patricia. I love it and send you kudos for posting it.

    I really liked this line: “Depression is anger against the self, it can bleed out in subtle ways. Ruminating on anger without release is like grinding one’s teeth down to despair – chewing the cud called self.” That should in a quote gallery.

    Every year brings new opportunities to discover ourselves all over again. It sounds like you ARE doing this and have BEEN doing it for some time. Good for you:~)
    Sara recently posted..Story Photo: Talking TreesMy Profile

    patricia Reply:

    I feel like I am just graduating from high school and thinking about what I want to be when I grow up – kind of exciting to begin again.

    My number one effort right now is still working on health and I feel much better releasing this past

    Thank you for your kind words. Always a delight to find you here

  6. Hilary Says:

    Hi Patricia .. well I’m pleased for you and to find that you’ve had the courage to do it … and can see the benefits of resigning. You’ve gained loads of experience … and just sometimes we need our own space.

    I’m glad your health is improving – I guess with the stress off your shoulders that will make a lot of difference …

    I’m embarking on some new projects via the net … and I want to get out around the UK to visit relatives and friends whom I haven’t seen for ages – since my mother’s and uncle’s illnesses kept me down here.

    Good luck with everything … life is fun, but can be a challenge too .. Cheers Hilary
    Hilary recently posted..Malingering – definitely not … 1962/3 – some more weather information 2012 … coral as a history book … earth’s spin …. jet streams … memories …My Profile

    patricia Reply:

    How lovely to find your good words here – thank you for coming by.
    It was a big decision but it feels like a great one and it has eased my mind tremendously to have sets this role aside.

    I am looking forward to reading you new net projects, at least checking them out, and how wonderful to be able to travel around and see family and friends – I know that new found freedom after a big release.

    Yes life is fun and just keeps getting better it seems and I am finding the challenges are of a more minor nature these days and that I need to take a different role there too – I love change.

    Popping over to read your recent post now. Thank you again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts and wisdom

  7. Chris Edgar Says:

    There’s definitely a lot of power in being able to say no to requests, I think — I feel like that’s a skill I am still mastering. But at least at this point, I feel like I have a compelling goal I’m always headed for, which helps me to be clear about my priorities — it sounds like you have one of those too.
    Chris Edgar recently posted..Long Live Peter PanMy Profile

    Patricia Reply:

    Working on a new goal – like starting over again – rather exciting and very liberating to say NO

    Getting clear is vital to me…for you too…and what goals you have !
    Patricia recently posted..HabitsMy Profile