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Being Alive – Another Teacher Arrives

Sunflower

As of late, I have something stuck in my head and it keeps rising up like the head of a sleeping snake.  There are moments when it hisses and prepares to strike.   I just get so upset when they come in the middle of the night.

It is not like the tune to a song or the lyrics to an advertising jingle, rather it is more a constant rehash of the offending statements made by a person in my community or in the media.

My newly elected representative to the House of Representatives keeps making these amazing statements that cause me to wake in the middle of the night and go over and over what she has said.   It makes me study her campaign website and her congressional site and to thoroughly read her response letters.

I can not find anything nice to say about her.  It is easy to see that she is conservative and feels empowered by her election to carry out her own agenda and claim it is representing this district.   She is definitely carrying out her own agenda and not even the Republican agenda (though it fits in her pocket nicely) but she is truly only representing herself and her own ideas.

That she is systematically bulldozing all the projects that I have worked on all my life, that she “hates” children, veterans, and immigrants  and anyone who needs assistance in their lives or a helping hand; in my humble opinion those are all straight-forward easy to witness ideas that will get her defeated in the next election cycle.  We have sent this kind of individualistic, self-serving person off to the Capital before and they have had a turn.  That is part of Democracy.

So what is bothering me and letting me choose to suffer and keep this individual in my mind?

My initial thought was that it was because she is flying under the wire and appears to be just fitting in with the conservative leadership, thus she is appearing to be a follower and can weave her web and work her plan rather away from the public eye.  That is troublesome but it is not IT.

My second thoughts centered on her being a rigid thinker.  Well over 50% of the adult population becomes “rigid” in their thinking as they grow older.  Yep even Liberals become rigid in their thinking capacity as they age; for that matter so do Radicals and Progressives.   So as scary as it is to have elected someone to office who is a rigid thinker so young, we know how to handle rigid thinking as a society – we often call it maturity or coming to our senses!

So I keep being harassed by this person and her words – and I keep choosing to be awakened in the night to crawl into the pain and suffering that my thinking keeps hissing at me.   It is alive within me.

This morning I understand what is niggling me and so deeply making me confront my aroused fears.   It is her HATE and the depth of her HATE that I can not abide.

It is hate wrapped up in sophisticated garb and a confident air.   It is hate that is masked by the power grabbing and confusion.   It is not boiling over in tantrums and noise, but it is there and it is making the HATE within me come alive and rise up.

When my children were small and I was teaching them about the world and some of the problems of the world, I would remind them of the feeling that they get inside when they hear a police siren or fire truck horn coming down the road.  I told them when they felt that feeling inside when they were with someone that is a warning; get away from that situation and give yourself space to sort it out away from that situation.  Get away. It is your inner self telling you that you might not be safe.

My life’s work is to work on being loving and kind.   So arrives my new teacher coiled and ready to strike.  Here is my next workout and my next fear to understand.
I must now confront my capacity and expression of Hate.

I need concentration and focus.  I am healing by exploring my hate.  I am choosing to change and grow; I am choosing to learn from this teacher.  I am choosing not to suppress this emotion into high blood pressure, heart attack or a stroke. I am choosing not to bury these feeling with food or distraction.

Do you confront or distract?  What do you do when something is alive within you?
Do you choose to beat it with a stick or simmer it on the stove?  What is it you are valuing and learning?   How do your teachers arrive?

I value your comments:

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18 Responses to “Being Alive – Another Teacher Arrives”

  1. vered | blogger for hire Says:

    Blogging is a great way to openly talk about what bothers us rather than suppressing our emotions.
    vered | blogger for hire recently posted..Things My Mother Taught MeMy Profile

    Patricia Reply:

    Vered,
    That is so right – If my goal is to heal I can not suppress or hide. I can truly say that I have worked on so many other fears /teachers has healing goodness, that I am amazed at how quickly I was able to release these feelings and recognized them…practice is helping to speed up the healing process – I don’t want to bury this stuff inside any more.
    Patricia recently posted..Being Alive – Another Teacher ArrivesMy Profile

  2. Dr. J Says:

    Weltschmerz.

    patricia Reply:

    ” (from the German, meaning world-pain or world-weariness, pronounced [?v?lt?m???ts]) is a term coined by the German author Jean Paul and denotes the kind of feeling experienced by someone who understands that physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind ”

    I would just reply to this Wikipedia definition – that it can cause tremendous amounts of pain in the physical body..

    I had not heard this word before – off to figure it out
    Thank you

  3. Deborah Says:

    An interesting question Patricia. Life has certainly been my best teacher and I would like to say that I confront every emotion it throws at me but of course, sometimes I prefer to distract myself and postpone that confrontation.
    I love the method you used to teach your children to listen to their inner selves – I tried to do similar with my own children and hope I was successful – perhaps they will remember and pass the lesson on.

    patricia Reply:

    Deborah,
    I think I got the “Siren Feeling” concept from the Odyssey and Tae Kwon Doh but it certainly has worked well for my kids and others I shared it with.

    This woman was making me ill- she still does but I can now see what the lesson is which is coming from myself.

    Emotional Intelligence is a crucial skill for making changes in our lives for sure.

    I see you have a new post…I need to read your good stories

  4. Galen Pearl Says:

    Weltschmerz. I have not heard that word in a long time! There are some great words in other languages that capture concepts we have no word for in English.

    As for your situation, it is indeed fascinating to see what gets under our skin and what we do with it. How do we not take someone else’s poison in, and at the same time not poison ourselves with our own reaction?

    Sharing your own struggle with this dilemma will help many people, I think. And hopefully it helps you, too, to work through this. Thank you for sharing this story.
    Galen Pearl recently posted..That Man Might Be Jesus!My Profile

    patricia Reply:

    Galen,
    Thank you for your great comment – I just loved learning that word and yes I think you are correct about other languages having more possibilities of expression.

    At first this person made me angry and then her form letters stated that the budget was more important than any persons needs repeatedly – helped me to identify that I was choosing to be upset with this person and her behavior….She made me dig deeper and see that she is a person who HATES and is motivated by HATE…I do not want Hate to be what is alive within me…so she has become a great teacher and assisted me in being a better change artist.

    I hope modelling my learning will help others along their journey

  5. Talon Says:

    Hate is powerful. And it’s a form of poison. It’s good to recognize it and not let it infect you, but it’s sad how infectious it truly is. And the fact that you analyze your response to her vitriol and see how it impacts your emotional response is truly amazing, Patricia. What a great example you gave (and continue to give) to your chldren. Our gut feelings are some of our best teachers, I believe.
    Talon recently posted..Color the world chartreuseMy Profile

    patricia Reply:

    Talon,
    Thank you for dropping by, I know you have been very busy as of late.

    As a child my family job was to do emotions for everyone and yet not be emotional. Since I have discovered we are emotional first and foremost as human being – I thought I had best become more of an expert.

    I have practiced so much I am now getting very clear readings of what emotions others bring out in me – and I can find new boundaries.

    I just was caught unaware of how full of HATE this person is and how professionally she masks it…it does make me worried about the children in our district especially.

    A good life lesson it is/was
    Thank you for your great comments, they are so appreciated

  6. Chris Edgar Says:

    Hi Patricia — I think that’s a great insight — that what thinking about this person triggers in you is really your own hatred, and seeing that gives you an opportunity to be with it and work with it, as opposed to striking out at a perceived enemy “out there.” I know I find myself sometimes saying “what a hateful person,” and then ideally I realize I’m actually hating them in that moment.

    patricia Reply:

    Chris
    That is exactly what I found myself saying about this person ….I just found it an opportunity…

    Her person who handles the phone calls had a very fancy way of saying – “you are not intelligent enough to understand her and her position.” That was just what I was thinking about this person – “she is not intelligent enough or evolved enough!”

    Oh those lessons – when one asks they just keep arriving :)

  7. Jannie Funster Says:

    I think it’s always best to go to sleep and wake up with loving thoughts in our hearts for every one.

    Hate eats away at us, and prevents us from being our own personal best. When I find myself pointing fingers, it’s an opportunity for me to look inward and see what I am resisting in my own life. Hate is a good teacher in that way.

    xoxo
    Jannie Funster recently posted..Deeper Into The Rorschach Shawl — a poemMy Profile

    patricia Reply:

    You are right on with your comment Jannie and it took me awhile to discover why this woman was keeping me awake – I had to recognize my own hate in the situation.

  8. suzen Says:

    Hi Patricia! Do I confront or distract? Wow. Well I spent way too many decades doing a swell combination of both – and it led me to all kinds of physical maladies, symptoms randomly appearing (or so I thought) and in general a pretty frustrating (mental) existence. Learning the fine art of letting go – which to me is a process and I wonder if we ever totally GET there – sure has done wonders. In some ways my response may seem passive and uninvolved.

    I’ve found the path to hopefully help others while keeping myself at peace. Will it change the course of history? Will it affect government? Can I right all the damn wrongs I see out there? Heck no. If I can help one person live a healthy life and feel good about themselves so they can pass that along, then I’m doing just the right thing for me in terms of making a difference for the greater good. My focus is on love, nature and peace. I spread that around in lieu of fighting those who do not – I let them be and let them go. I spent decades confronting and fighting the system – school boards, local government – been there. Also been sick as a result. No more!

    The discovery of “It’s not what you are eating as much as it is what is EATING YOU.” is key. Hate is toxic. I stay away from it, people who espouse it in any form, reading it, hearing it, etc. If I think about it, my cells pick up on it – truly what you think about becomes you as much as what you are physically consuming. Again, it is not what you eat, but what eats you.

    Hugs,
    suZen

    patricia Reply:

    Hey Suzen,
    I think there is definitely wisdom with aging – I have to say thank you to this woman, because she brought up something more that I need to let go of…and that felt very good.

    funny think about staying away and keeping Hate out of the cells.
    I got a call yesterday from this woman’s staff to see if I wanted to meet with this woman when she was doing town halls in the district….I just laughed out loud and said, “No thank you, I do not want to be in a room with that much HATE! as close as I will come is an email” The staffer did not know what to say – so I reminded her to write down my reply on her call sheet. It was totally on a cellular level -!

  9. Hilary Says:

    Hi Patricia .. I’ve learnt not to let negativity get into me .. it’s the only way I’ve coped in the last few years – yes it’s still there, but I realise what it is .. and I haven’t the energy for more than I do – so negativity I have to move on. Also things I can’t take on board as I don’t have the capacity to deal with them ..

    Perhaps that’s why some of us steer clear of politics .. interesting conversation and comments .. thanks – Hilary
    Hilary recently posted..The laughing policeman- the railways- welsh gold- treason more Royal Wedding Day Memories– two weeks later part 3-3My Profile

    patricia Reply:

    Hi Hilary,
    Thank you so much for dropping by and commenting – your words are appreciated very much.

    I have taken the negative out of my life in order to heal myself…not watching the news, reading carefully, taking care of business for myself first and letting other things alone.

    I wanted to share this story about my progress, that even with all my practice and safe guards…this elected official kept being thrown in my face and setting off alarm bells – and setting my stress hormone in motion (So hard to turn off) I had to really dig in and research her from every nook and cranny I could locate…WOW it was exciting when I figured her out…and now even though I am getting dozens of requests to attend and speak at her 2 town hall meeting this week – I am not intending to be there. I have worked hard to clear out the negativity in my life – but HATE I do not want to let back in whatsoever.

    This is hate combined with ignorance wrapped up in a cute package of distraction and lots of money…..She is going to have to heal herself.

    I lost another 5 pounds after figuring her out….and I knew how to calm myself down and get to running on a better keel and with the wind at my back….letting go is such a process

    In order to make changes in one’s life – we need to be mindful of what comes alive within us…