As of late, I have something stuck in my head and it keeps rising up like the head of a sleeping snake. There are moments when it hisses and prepares to strike. I just get so upset when they come in the middle of the night.
It is not like the tune to a song or the lyrics to an advertising jingle, rather it is more a constant rehash of the offending statements made by a person in my community or in the media.
My newly elected representative to the House of Representatives keeps making these amazing statements that cause me to wake in the middle of the night and go over and over what she has said. It makes me study her campaign website and her congressional site and to thoroughly read her response letters.
I can not find anything nice to say about her. It is easy to see that she is conservative and feels empowered by her election to carry out her own agenda and claim it is representing this district. She is definitely carrying out her own agenda and not even the Republican agenda (though it fits in her pocket nicely) but she is truly only representing herself and her own ideas.
That she is systematically bulldozing all the projects that I have worked on all my life, that she “hates” children, veterans, and immigrants and anyone who needs assistance in their lives or a helping hand; in my humble opinion those are all straight-forward easy to witness ideas that will get her defeated in the next election cycle. We have sent this kind of individualistic, self-serving person off to the Capital before and they have had a turn. That is part of Democracy.
So what is bothering me and letting me choose to suffer and keep this individual in my mind?
My initial thought was that it was because she is flying under the wire and appears to be just fitting in with the conservative leadership, thus she is appearing to be a follower and can weave her web and work her plan rather away from the public eye. That is troublesome but it is not IT.
My second thoughts centered on her being a rigid thinker. Well over 50% of the adult population becomes “rigid” in their thinking as they grow older. Yep even Liberals become rigid in their thinking capacity as they age; for that matter so do Radicals and Progressives. So as scary as it is to have elected someone to office who is a rigid thinker so young, we know how to handle rigid thinking as a society – we often call it maturity or coming to our senses!
So I keep being harassed by this person and her words – and I keep choosing to be awakened in the night to crawl into the pain and suffering that my thinking keeps hissing at me. It is alive within me.
This morning I understand what is niggling me and so deeply making me confront my aroused fears. It is her HATE and the depth of her HATE that I can not abide.
It is hate wrapped up in sophisticated garb and a confident air. It is hate that is masked by the power grabbing and confusion. It is not boiling over in tantrums and noise, but it is there and it is making the HATE within me come alive and rise up.
When my children were small and I was teaching them about the world and some of the problems of the world, I would remind them of the feeling that they get inside when they hear a police siren or fire truck horn coming down the road. I told them when they felt that feeling inside when they were with someone that is a warning; get away from that situation and give yourself space to sort it out away from that situation. Get away. It is your inner self telling you that you might not be safe.
My life’s work is to work on being loving and kind. So arrives my new teacher coiled and ready to strike. Here is my next workout and my next fear to understand.
I must now confront my capacity and expression of Hate.
I need concentration and focus. I am healing by exploring my hate. I am choosing to change and grow; I am choosing to learn from this teacher. I am choosing not to suppress this emotion into high blood pressure, heart attack or a stroke. I am choosing not to bury these feeling with food or distraction.
Do you confront or distract? What do you do when something is alive within you?
Do you choose to beat it with a stick or simmer it on the stove? What is it you are valuing and learning? How do your teachers arrive?
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