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Fixing

Fixing

Fixing

In order to make changes in my body and health, I have been spending time in my story. As I release my protective shields and vests, I open compressed and zipped files of events and actions that I experienced in my life. I am confronted with my interpretation and thoughts about those events and moments; it is often like cliff diving from on high into waving pools of currents – tides of emotions – unknown or unforeseen grief, anger, turmoil, and unclaimed joy.

At least with diving, I have made the choice to enter and probably have my swim suit on and a life raft in vicinity.

When dealing with the story, sometimes it is a comment made by others that flashes the feelings in full screen – wide screen and the emotions just flood across the mind’s eye and rather than erupt with the old story script it is a moment of opportunity to release and let go.

I could not go forward for a few moments as my child provoked one of the most painful stories of my childhood – I held it in and my tongue, and two days later I can finally open the lid and dabble in the emotions for release and progress. I do not wish to reside in the past – I wish to live in the here and now. The shadows play upon and around my heart and mind; the ego gives a command performance.

I must feel the feelings, interpret, see their worth /the gift and release; catch my breath and begin a new page. It is a choice we make whether to acknowledge the story and whether or not to continue to carry it or let it go.

We all must take this journey if we want to make changes and live an authentic life.

Debbie Ford in her book THE SECRET OF THE SHADOW

“In one of my trainings we listed all the methods, techniques, and approaches we had used to try to fix ourselves and our stories. The list was huge. We had visited acupuncturists, past-life regressionists, and for the most of us, more than our fair share of therapists. We had worked on our anger, our inner child, and our inner critic, and when that failed we had tried ecstatic dance. We had tried visualizing, affirming, chanting, and meditating our way out of our pain. We had sought the advice of nutritionists, trainers, life coaches, yoga teachers, and gurus, and when those didn’t work we had sought out our internists for a prescription of Prozac. We had cleansed our chakras, sniffed essential oils, and lit scented candles to calm our minds. Some of us had soaked in energetically balanced baths while listening to harmonically soothing music. We had burned incense specially imported from India, put magnets under our pillows, worn amulets around our necks and mood rings on our fingers. We had picked angel cards and had our tarot cards read. We had tried volunteering our time, doing service to help people who seemed worse off than we were. Some of us had tried a rich husband or a young, pretty wife.
“Our list went on and on, and even though we had a tremendous laugh over it, most of us were left in the presence and pain of the story that couldn’t be fixed. And the question that arose was simple: Is there any hope?“

The truth is the story cannot be fixed. The story can only be embraced. It can be reinterpreted.

The story can become a powerful gift.

Unless the story is one’s identify. Unless the story is one’s security blanket. The more you hold on to the story or attempt to fix the story the more one must live in the past. The more one is comforted by the security of the story the more ragged and worn out the story becomes – it is only a lacy fabric of security.

The story must be continuously released, accepted, and written a new. It is the gift of who you choose to be and become. It is the wholeness.

I found this TED lecture by Eve Ensler about security – I thought I would share it; her words ring true to me:

What do you think about The Story? Is it a gift? A Secret? Just something private? How does The Story speak to you? What did you think about Ensler’s words about security? How can we be secure in our world today?

Related reading:
What should I do with the rest of my life
Discussing Fear
Cleaning UP my act
Mr. fix-it to Mr. Vulnerability

Looking forward to your discussion intriguing comments:

24 Responses to “Fixing”

  1. Tony Single Says:

    Patricia, there’s a lot of information there to process. Wow! 😛

    I think Eve makes a lot of sense when she says, “The end goal will be becoming vulnerable.” This is the direct opposite of what perhaps most of us do. I call it becoming transparent, but essentially it’s the same thing. Presenting myself as I am, allowing others to present themselves as they are… and at all times trying to afford them the respect and freedoms that God has afforded me.

    In other words, being naked as we help to write our own stories. Great post, Patricia. This has given me much to digest. :)

  2. Betsy Wuebker Says:

    “The truth is the story cannot be fixed. The story can only be embraced. It can be reinterpreted. The story can become a powerful gift.”

    Amen. Learning this lesson again and living it right now, Patricia. Thanks.

  3. Julie Says:

    Patricia, I like how you state it, here: “I must feel the feelings, interpret, see their worth/the gift and release…” This is so very beautiful in its simplicity.

    Embracing my vulnerability and loving myself in entirety was a hard-won lesson. Remembering to celebrate, though, always lifts me to a place of clearer seeing, and in doing this, embracing, accepting and loving are easier. …which generates more celebration. It really is about opening to the flow of love that permeates all. Remaining open and feeling the strength within my soft places (tenderness, kindness, compassion, so many things, and yes, vulnerability, too)… this is where my foundation lies.
    .-= Julie´s last blog ..Braving the Storms =-.

  4. Patricia Says:

    Tony,
    Thank you for you wonder full word and kindness. I think the artist is always debriefing the story – attempting to tap into it with kindness is the role of the cartoonist? That point of being vulnerable and making it okay.

  5. Patricia Says:

    Betsy,
    Yep it is rather a never ending story, it just gets better and better I think as we progress. I like now knowing about reinterpreting and making choice. Thank you for visiting in your moments of sorrow.

  6. Patricia Says:

    Julie,
    I am finding simplicity to be my greatest lesson…trying not to be driven or tackling the feeling, but rather choosing it and experiencing it…and I think being able to put it on hold until the timing is better is the gift of age.

    Thank you for your beautiful words.

  7. Mark Says:

    When we give up hoping for a better past we then become free to be. Our story is important, however we cannot change our story, we can only create the rest of our story.
    Great TEDS talk. Security is the name we give when we don’t want to say we are afraid. When we have no fear we do not worry about security.
    .-= Mark´s last blog ..I Hunger … No More =-.

  8. Patricia Says:

    Mark
    Good words, good words….looking forward to no fear and creativity – I am ready.

  9. vered | blogger for hire Says:

    I love following the story of your self development, Patricia.
    .-= vered | blogger for hire´s last blog ..Why Do You Like Me =-.

  10. Patricia Says:

    vered,
    I worry that I tell too much, but I think if I can share openly then I might assist someone else….our society is so afraid of change…it worries me :)

  11. suzen Says:

    Hi Patricia! I struggled for a long time with my story. It’s all so internal, existing only in my mind – the good, the bad and the ugly. I reached a point of embrace and it was as if a switch was flipped. I found a great peace in letting it go – it is all the past and I can only live in this present moment – so in a way I am still writing my story, each day. The difference is I don’t let the “old” stories of yesterday or yesteryear mess up my present day. That video was wonderful – and I totally love Ensler!
    hugs
    suZen

  12. Patricia Says:

    suzen,
    There is such a peace with letting it go….I even like feeling the wider range of emotions.
    The Ensler video is amazing…I remember when each of my older daughters discovered the monologues….it was like my getting the first issue of MS magazine….oh the world was going to be woman’s oyster….we have not come that far! we must pick up the pace again.

  13. Hilary Says:

    Hi Patricia .. I’ll have to come back to listen to Eve .. but we all have stories from the past and some are just not our own .. they involve our families or close friends.

    If we can realise that only we affect ourselves .. others have no part – except perhaps to bring negativity to the fore – which we can leave behind, or happiness when we take the memories forward. I am definitely going through this stage now – and actually believe that I am managing to do just that .. then I’ll need not to take the negativity on board at all .. just release it.

    The Ensler video .. I ‘ll be back to watch .. at some stage .. have a good weekend .. Hilary
    .-= Hilary´s last blog ..Could this be a sitcom – or a break out sitcom Ever had a one word – at a time – conversation Fish and Chips – how do you spell it =-.

  14. Patricia Says:

    Hilary,
    You have a good weekend/week ahead too, I think you are moving right now – thinking about you and all the lifting ahead

    Do come back – Eve is worth a revisit

    I think when are parents are leaving us we definitely revisit our stories and sort them over – at least I have found this to be true in my life and also a great freedom in releasing the stories

  15. Jannie Funster Says:

    Hey, Patricia, my dear.

    I too have felt those old emotions surging back from past griefs, frustrations and hurts like they are happening all over again, does not feel happy. Good to hear you are addressing those experiences, because you are one of the nicest, giving-est people I know and that you find peace is important to me.

    Yes, the answers all tie to being in the here and now. We really do choose how we feel at this moment in our simple human perfection of soul. Or we can at least be on a path to knowing we have a choice in perception!

    What is my story?

    I feel good to be on your site, as always, to check in with my friend.

    And I feel very super-hopeful your mislaid cassette is in one of the 20 boxes / bags in the dining room to be sorted.

    I have 2 more blogs to visit, then I am off to make some herbal tea for the sorting. The dishes can wait!!

    xoxo
    .-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..How To Hide Unsightly Cables =-.

  16. Patricia Says:

    Jannie,
    I am having a very peaceful day….since I am a change artist in action I wanted to write about the thoughts that cross the mind when making change. I have found the shadow to be a great teacher and through awareness the opening door to wiser choices.

    Hope you find the cassette…I am sure it is there.

    I am making potato-egg salad to go with our salmon burgers and blueberries for supper….dishes done, but I sure could use some lunch!

  17. Chris Edgar Says:

    Thanks for this Patricia — this reminded me of what psychologist Stephen Wolinsky says in The Way of the Human — we all have what he calls a “False Core” — a belief about why we’re basically wrong — and our efforts to correct our “wrongness” must necessarily fail because the False Core is false and never existed to begin with.

  18. Talon Says:

    We’re such a blend of past and present and future. And our perceptions of the events that have shaped us – for better or worse – are what linger and even when the memories can be faulty the emotions attached do tend to linger.

    It’s amazing what triggers will bring back a memory. It’s terrific when the memory is a delightful one, but not so fun (though even more powerful at times) when it’s a not-happy one.
    .-= Talon´s last blog ..Morning on the lake =-.

  19. J.D. Meier Says:

    > The truth is the story cannot be fixed. The story can only be embraced. It can be reinterpreted.
    So true and so powerful … and empowering.
    .-= J.D. Meier´s last blog ..Lessons Learned from Dr K on Interpersonal Skills and the Art of Persuasion =-.

  20. Patricia Says:

    Chris,
    There are just times when I get stuck in the old story and need to have a push or shove to get on with it, but if I embrace it as a gift I seem to no longer remain stuck. I will check out what Wolinsky has to say – sounds interesting.

    Talon,
    I am working on learning the lessons so that I can linger longer and enjoy the present moments more….there is one self help guru who said we truly never make change until we reach the point of the pain in remaining at the same spot. Maybe that is what makes the pain powerful?

    JD
    thank you JD….how we think is so often how we be…..!
    .-= Patricia´s last blog ..Stopping to Smell the Flowers =-.

  21. Jeanne Says:

    Patricia,

    Wow! What a powerful post!

    I love the way you described releasing “protective shields and vests” and “opening compressed and zipped files of events and actions” that you experienced in your life.

    It’s true that we decide whether to carry the story or let it go. “The Story” can indeed become a gift.

    The ‘Ted.com’ Eve Ensler video you posted is really interesting! I totally agree with the idea that people can get a false sense of security only to really be less secure. What an intriguing way she had of wording things. Security really is elusive, as she said. I actually played the video a second time and took the option for viewing it with subtitles. I needed another viewing to help me better digest it… since it was so loaded.

    One of many things she said that caught my attention was this:

    “Real security is not knowing something when you don’t know it”.

    How much better a place would the world be if people (routinely) simply acknowledged what they don’t know rather than pretending they know more than they do?

    She also said:

    “Real security is hungering for connection rather than power”.

    Wow. That is just huge!

    She also said, “freedom means I may not be identified as any one group, but that I can visit and find myself in every group”. I believe she really hits home the basic principle that we are all equal… regardless of gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation, etc. No one is better/worse or higher/lower than another. I like the way she used the word shared.

    I love when she talks about not using beliefs as weapons!

    There are so many things she says in that video that really capture the whole notion of how fear-based attempts to attain “security” truly do tend to foster insecurity instead.

    Great find! Thank you for sharing it.

    Jeanne

    P.S. Thank you for visiting my blog today. I’m sending thoughts and prayers your way.
    .-= Jeanne´s last blog ..Stress And Request For Support =-.

  22. Patricia Says:

    Jeanne,
    thank you for visiting my blog today several times…you are in my prayers…

    I thought this video was truly a find…and I have watched it many times, but did not think about the subtitles…how clever you are and I liked how you took phrases out to share that accentuated the points she was making…
    Very talented woman…

  23. Jeanne Says:

    Patricia,

    That video really is a find. You are in my thoughts and prayers too.

    Jeanne
    .-= Jeanne´s last blog ..Stress And Request For Support =-.

  24. Patricia Says:

    Jeanne- and with you