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pruning the clematis

pruning the clematis

I am making some big changes in my life.  I am healing some internal organs and getting in the best and healthiest shape of my life.

Currently I am stuck, if I were dieting one might say I am on a plateau, but I am not dieting I am changing my lifestyle and my thinking.  Yes!  I am hoping that by losing 80 pounds some of the problems I am having will diminish; that is one aspect of the change.

3 pair of my summer pants will not button at the waist.

3 times I have fallen down when walking and not been able to get up by myself.

3 instances I have been lumped together with a person who is someone I do not wish to be.

I found myself swirling around in my emotions and being very hostile to myself in my inner dialogue. I knew I could not achieve my change if I kept rattling around letting the sets of 3s control my thinking.

I got out my copy of The Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.   This is a wonderful workbook that allows one to look at the positive side of our shadow self and discover how the darker thoughts truly assist us in keeping one on track with their goals and desires.   I have been doing the exercises at the end of each chapter in my journal and writing after meditation each morning.

My summer pants will not fit because my body is still thinking it is protecting me from a saber tooth tiger, so the round waist is telling me that internal organs are not healed yet and I need to keep on keeping on – because the pants zip now and the buttoning will come.

I am falling down because when I push too hard on my walk to get back up to  speed, my body is saying I am under attack and the nerve endings are still inflamed –“ Stop what you are doing, we are not healed enough for this pressure.”

Being lumped together with a person I do not wish to be like, makes me figure out how I am like her and when I clarify my feelings and my behaviors, it too becomes an early warning devise and enables me to make some smaller changes which will benefit my progress.

I may have lost a few calories ranting and raving about being stuck,  I could have gotten depressed and done nothing, whereas  now I have made about 7 smaller changes that I believe will act as stepping stones to get unstuck.

It is very similar to a pruning job that needed to get accomplished.   We knew our Evergreen Clematis was not thriving and when we went to exam it, we found it needed a hard pruning and some fertilizer.  As we started pruning we were amazed at all the dead leaves clogging up the plants progress and hindering the blooming and survival.

Examining the dark side of the situation gave us an opportunity to give light and air making us prune even harder.  New growth has already started and the beautiful vine is coming back to life, and someone said we will get a second bloom because we took such good care.

I feel the same way, as concerned as I was about looking clearly at the negative, I gave it light, and although there were some compacted feelings, when I did the exercises I was able to free the tangle. I was able to discover how helpful these potentially painful items could become giving me solutions and new directions of movement.    I was afraid and worried about those feelings and examining them, and am now de- lighted that I took the time – I was relieved.

One of the most important parts of healing for me is learning to relax.  Gaining this knowledge truly took the worry away and provided more time to relax and move forward.

I see that Debbie Ford, Deepak Chopra, and Marianne Williamson just have a new book out on this very subject   The Shadow Effect.

Are there things that keep you from looking at the dark side?  Have you ever found that the dark thing is not as bad as you expected when you challenged it?   Do you have any tricks for getting unstuck?

Looking forwards to your greatly appreciated comments

Here are some other posts you might find interesting:

Begin It Now
Discussing Fear
90 Seconds of Anger  90 Seconds of Happiness

27 Responses to “Stuck”

  1. Dave Says:

    Patricia, You won’t be stuck for long if you keep up that positive thinking. You are changing your lifestyle!! You are doing something about it and that’s terrific! :)
    .-= Dave´s last blog ..Fat Loss Update 179.2 lbs Thursday 10 June 2010 =-.

  2. Julie Says:

    Patricia, this is beautiful. Every word of it, every emotion you explored, every bit of connective thinking you identified. This way of living, of seeing more within each tiny thing, is so beneficial. What enormous leaps you’ve made! You sound so much more peaceful, more resolved, more patient and loving with yourself. Oh, I am so very glad! Your wisdom’s wrapping its arms around you in a warm hug. And so am I. Love, ~ Julie

  3. Tony Single Says:

    Patricia, I have to agree with what Julie has said here. Your metaphor about pruning especially struck the visualist in me. That’s how I tend to think, in pictures, and the picture you painted with your words here were quite vivid in my head.

    I think you’re right. If we can just break something down into smaller more manageable steps, then we just may be able to do it! Very nice. :)

  4. Dot Says:

    Sounsd like you’re working very hard on this and describing it very clearly. I’ll be interested to hear specifically how it pays off.

  5. Talon Says:

    I think when we’ve operated a certain way for a very long time and we start to make changes, it takes time for the mind/body/soul fusion to take place.

    I applaud you for looking into the dark places and allowing the healing light in, Patricia.

    The pruning required for plants is just as important as our personal pruning and that old saying, “Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind” runs through my mind when I think of what might seem like brutal actions, but are actually necessary to maintain growth and health.
    .-= Talon´s last blog ..I’ve been accused… =-.

  6. Lisa@Practically Intuitive Says:

    Hi Patricia,
    What a lovely post! Like you, I try to look at my challenges as opportunities and gifts. It’s hard some days, isn’t it? I seek to learn the lesson behind them and move to the next place along my little learning path.

    Bookmarked your blog – will be back often.

    .-= Lisa@Practically Intuitive´s last blog ..Just 1% =-.

  7. Hilary Says:

    Hi Patricia .. you’re having a tough time .. but by taking it slowly & not rushing – you’ll probably feel so much better and then of course all things will start to improve.

    take your time, don’t overdo it .. relax (if you can?!) .. enjoy the summer and slowly heal .. enjoy the sunny days and restorative showers ..

    The clematis seems like it’s got a new lease of life .. withthoughts & have a fun weekend .. Hilary
    .-= Hilary´s last blog ..Food, Food, Glorious Food … What could possibly go wrong …? =-.

  8. Jannie Funster Says:

    Dearest Patricia, I hope you know you have always been and ever will be one of the sweetest blooms in my life. I am sad to learn you are going through tough physical things. I wish I could wave a wand and bring you the health and happiness I so would like to.

    I suggest breaking out into laughter all throughout the day — I know that puts me in a whole new frame of mind and body when I do it. It feels weird at first, but often leads to real laughter. And peace.


    P.S. Mailman came yesterday. Thanks.

  9. patricia Says:

    Thank you for dropping by and your grand comments. I am being positive about these changes, and exploring the gifts of the dark side has been very restorative and opening.

    It is also helpful to have such nice comments to look forward to and read.

  10. patricia Says:

    Your lovely comments just feel like a hug – I am missing my massage therapist – and her healing touch….hugs rather confirm that I am still here and present.

    I am going to a Graduation Ceremony this weekend – well, in a few minutes and I decided to not take a computer with me and take the weekend off. It will be nice to have these comments in my mind while away.

    I truly liked writing this post

  11. patricia Says:

    I could not believe how many dead leaves were trapped in that clematis and there was no air movement….it just opened up my thinking as pruning opened the vine….a good metaphor

  12. patricia Says:

    I will keep you posted….I had quite a break through this morning and have found something which stops the muscle spasms in my fingers – this truly does help my attitude…the constant “needles and pins” feelings are so distracting.

    I will say I am loving eating this way – I feel so much better, although I have so much more energy it is hard to slow myself down to get calm and work on relaxed healing

  13. patricia Says:

    I love seeing you here – I forgot to say that first :)

  14. patricia Says:

    I have been so at WAR with myself for most of my 60 years – letting the light in and seeing clearly the darkness has been profound.

    Now I hope I can retrieve some of the feisty feminist dynamo and add all the wisdom lessons….then watch out world here I come!

  15. patricia Says:

    I am going away this weekend and my goal is not to knit socks on the long car ride but to just be in the moment and enjoy the ride, enjoy the Mountains and flowers, Witness the beauty of the miles and miles of planted fields and the dirt devils wheeling around the fallow…

    I am going to be Frederick the Mouse (Children Story) and collect, and collect the sites and sounds of this graduation event.

    I am going to breath into the pain and the shaking hands and just let it be….make every moment joy

    Thank you for you kind words and wishes…I will take them to heart

  16. patricia Says:

    I come to your blog and read and laugh out loud nearly everyday – that laughing exercise is a good one for all of us to consider.

    I also need patience, it took me 18 years to get Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome ( Care Giver’s Syndrome) It will take me at least 2 years to heal this….but I am doing it and seeing the light at the end shining through…

    Just think how magnificent life will be when I am 100% and taking on the world! :)

    I was thinking this morning that my blog posts are randomly sharing the healing process….maybe I will put them together in a book called “Taking the Cure!”

    Glad you got the note….keep writing songs Music is so important to me to find new rhythms of living

    Here’s a hug for you

  17. Patricia Says:

    Welcome and thank you for the book mark! I think when making change it is vital to look at the darker side and give it light…brushing up on my emotional IQ is always good too.

    Thank you for your greatly appreciated comments and it took me a few to moderate – we are now connected.

  18. vered | blogger for hire Says:

    You are amazing. You’re doing wonderful things for yourself, finally listening to your body and taking care of yourself after all these years. Hugs.
    .-= vered | blogger for hire´s last blog ..Shiny Happy People (Stock Photography Rant) =-.

  19. Davina Says:

    Hi Patricia.

    I too, agree with Julie. You’re sounding gentler and more at ease with yourself in this post.

    You feel stuck in one way; but in another way, you’ve moved forward just by changing perspective. I like how you’re giving yourself time this weekend to do things differently; to not knit socks in the car like you normally would.

    I won’t say there is a trick to getting unstuck, Patricia; not when you know as much as you do — you who continue to apply yourself. If there is a trick at all it’s in a “shifty” perspective — the one that fools you into believing otherwise about yourself 😉
    .-= Davina´s last blog ..Sleeping with the Muse =-.

  20. Jannie Funster Says:

    Dear Ms Frederica The Mouse…

    Hope you knit absolutely ZERO socks in the car, that you took in all the mountains, flowers, trees, bees, seas and every frieze that sailed by??

    And hoped you slept tight while away and that the bedbugs did not bite?

    And what is sleeping “tight” anyway?? Shouldn’t one sleep loose and free?? :)


    Looking for your cassette, it’s in one of 3 bins. :)

    xoxo for good measure!!
    .-= Jannie Funster´s last blog ..What Would You Title This Post? =-.

  21. suzen Says:

    Hi Patricia! We don’t seem to have a lot of patience for ourselves, even if we are able to be saints with others. You know you are doing the best of things for yourself and it just may be that you are not seeing ALL the payoffs yet. Just know in your heart and mind that you are better EACH DAY and really believe it!

  22. Patty Says:

    Hi Patricia!
    I just stumbled onto your blog when I read your great review of “Eat to Live”. Love the book and have been following it for some time now.

    I want to suggest a book for you to read called “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. Check out the reviews on Amazon It changed the way I think and feel about myself and others. It has been life changing for me. Everyone I recommend it to has loved it also.

  23. Mandy Allen Says:

    Hi Patricia, I so admire your stoicism. Keep it up, you will get there.

    Enjoy the journey.

    .-= Mandy Allen´s last blog ..If you don’t have a go you’ll never know… =-.

  24. Tess The Bold Life Says:

    Hi Patricia,
    You’re not stuck you’re processing. Lighten up on the weight and waist thing. It’s where all my “extra” goes. Settles in right there like it’s home.

    I hear grand things about the book. I’m checking for it in the library. Get well soon, and laugh like Jannie says. I say watch one funny video a day.

  25. Chris Edgar Says:

    Hi Patricia — I like this exploration that you’re doing and I get that it takes courage — really looking at that part that sees some value in having more weight, and the perceived dangers that it’s trying to protect you against. It sounds like there’s fear there to explore.

  26. Sara Says:

    Patricia — You’ve got what my mom called “spunk!” It’s that determination to overcome obstacles, even if you have fight to do it.

    I know “fight” sounds like a negative, but I don’t think it is when you do what you did in this post. When you got stuck, you chose to to not let the “stuck” message actually stay stuck to you.

    Instead you pulled it off, looked at it and moved on…good for you:~)

    When I’m stuck or struggling, the think I always resort to is humor…even if it the dark side of humor. If I can make myself laugh, I know I can’t stuck very long.
    .-= Sara´s last blog ..Political Change: Do It Yourself! =-.

  27. Patricia Says:

    It helps to have good friends in good places! thank you

    Thank you for you good words Davina – it was wonderful to get out of house for the weekend and just BE somewhere else.

    I did sleep well while away and I ate well too and enjoyed the good company. Thanks for the cassette….I took a couple of interesting pictures I will share too!

    I feel like the little engine…huffing and puffing and going up hill so slowly…hard to have patience with the self.

    thank you for dropping by – I am so enjoyed Eat to Live and Eat for Health – Love having so much energy. Thank you for the book suggestion…I love book referrals…and usually follow through Thanks

    Here’s a success! I was able to walk all the way up the stadium stairs this weekend with being right in the moment and saying relax, relax to the knee pain…it worked and I was able to get home! Thank you for your good words and support

    Working on laughing seems like the wrong thing to say….like the funny video a day idea….I did sneak into a store we don’t have here while away and found a blouse that fits without alteration – and all the things I am doing I am enjoying so much more.

    You are right on about the fear…the extra waist weight is protecting the adrenal glands from some saber tooth tiger…it came on suddenly and it is scary weight Adrenal Fatigue is a painful and dangerous conditions….working on the BEing part a great deal these days.

    I am very intense and need to lighten up on many fronts, and I am finding when I name things and put them out in the open it takes away the sting….plus it is nice to get some support when you ask for it…like in these awesome comments.

    I went to Eastern Wa. University’s Graduation celebration – to support Brad and JD in all their efforts and successes. It was lovely to get away and breath some different air, sites and sounds. I decided not to take a computer or do work this weekend – so forgive my tardiness in responding.

    It may have gotten my head out of the navel!!!!
    .-= Patricia´s last blog ..WISE WORDS =-.