My friend’s partner died after a long struggle and she left two boys– no, young men. I have been thinking about her freedom, and these three who remain, all day and I cannot get them out of my mind, heart and prayers. I asked my partner to bring home a card from the shop with the beautiful artist’s cards so I could take it with me tomorrow.
What will I write on the card?
To my friend who I have known for 30 years I will say:
From out of depths of worry, care, and support limbo you are now free to grieve. Do not hesitate to let your exhaustion overtake you. Please allow yourself time to sit down until you have let your sorrow move you back into real time. Enjoy the remembered laughter and pain and do not let anyone tell you that you must let go on their timeline and not yours. It will all take time and you will move on, and until that day comes be sure and let your children be children and miss their mom like children are want to do, until they are ready, or you have to be the parent and guide them on their way. Hug them anyway. Grieve fully and then mourn. You did your very best and most loving work for these past years – no regrets – promise me.
To her sons I will say:
Every story about your Mother I have ever heard tells me that she loved you fiercely. That she cooked, painted, and wrote her story for you to know her lessons and her hopes of each of you. She dreamed and fretted you into fine young men, who could care for themselves and their world. She taught you the lessons of a loving family from the pain of her abusive beginnings, and she rejoiced in the amazing care you took of her when she was in recovery. No sons could have done more. You will make her proud and she will be watching out for you always – Mother’s do that for their children; I am sure of it. Care for each other with your Mother’s intentions in mind and you will make it through all your pain and sorrow; she is still teaching you even now.
The short story:
At a very young age this woman began to be ill. It became obvious that this was going to be a big part of her life. Her partner needed to divorce her because the medical bills would leave the family unable to cope or continue. Several years ago she had a heart attack and then maybe a stroke. She recovered only to die and return several times in one day. She suffered a rare form of leukemia, caused by cleaning products she used at work in a State Facility. She was put into a coma and given massive doses of chemotherapy; she had a bone marrow transplant. Her sisters stayed with her and her sons. One son stayed with her at the hospital miles away, while his mother was recovering, and his dad needed to work to at home to keep the family fed. She would make wonderful progress and then something else would take her “down” again. There was hope that she might make it home and good folks rallied for a new furnace system and air filter in a beautifully crafted bedroom. She visited and now she is gone. She made a difference in many lives and left a good legacy to carry on.
How does one help someone in to a new life? How does one say goodbye to a strong and bold Mother?
What do you write on the card?
Maybe just wish her a good journey and promise to take care of those who are left behind?